Learning life one step at a time.......then taking two steps back.

2007-01-02T04:47:00.000-08:00

Feeling guilty...almost

2006-08-08T04:41:00.000-07:00

Who knew having judo as your pe could be so much fun? hahahahaha especially when you've had 3 years of experience prior to it! Had 3 matches today, and another impromptu match with ronald after classes. Made all of them tap out, except ronald. Damn, those jui jitsu guys are good! held my own for a while though, even managed to surprise him (and myself) with an ankle lock (well, i think it was...hahahaha) when he tried to armbar me. anyhoo, i tapped out when he twisted my arm in a move i didn't quite see, but i sure did feel! hahahaha well, before that, i had some matches with guys who were really new to judo, but managed to give me good workout, save one. damn, i keep forgetting their names... one of them actually caught me in a rear naked choke, but i managed to slip out just in time and made him tap to a one of my own as well.. hahahaha my second match went pretty ok too, coz though my opponent lacked technique (like me! hahahaha) he made up for it with brute strength! (like me again! hahahahaha) i scored a tapout from him with an americana, a move that i havve always tried to do. problem was, it was never taught to me properly during high school (or was it because i had a very short attention span? hahahaha) so of course, i was uber psyched to give it a try! and ay mhay gulay! it required so little effort once the hold is locked tight! anyhoo, i had a disappointing match to end the session. the guy lacked the aggresiveness that i was expecting, and i made him tap out twice, again from rear naked chokes. i learned today that i suck at armbars, hahahaha i just cant seem to get one in place... hahaha overall, though, it was a fun day, because almost everyone in the pe class improved greatly, which makes sparring even more enjoyable! hahaha

10 Things...

2006-08-05T07:04:00.000-07:00

InStRuCtIoNs:
Name ten(10) of life's simple pleasures you like the most
then pick ten(10) people to do the same.
try to be original and creative and
not to use things that someone has already used.

10.
eating stapegi @ Tropical Hut Hamburger!
i don't know why, but i just can't stop going
there to eat! Hahaha!

9.
watching wrestling with my cousins
its a guy thing

8.
reading people's stat messages
while trying to guess what they really feel inside

7.
playing dota with my churchmates
We play hard, and we praise harder!
hahahaha

6.
watching a movie with your bestfriend,
whom you have not seen for a few weeks

5.
having someone text you:
"I miss u..."
or
"#==yakap==#"

4.
learning you've lost weight!
that really made me happy!
hahahaha

3.
playing in the arcade:
Tekken 5 for stressed-out days
and Sonic BlastMan or Strong Puncher
for days when i feel like i want to
hit something...(after math tests! hahahaha)

2.
making someone's day even just
a little bit better... like treating your bestfriend

1.
browsing through my phone's gallery.
i like remembering the moment i captured in my phone's camera.
makes me miss my friends... especially my bestfriend.

and in accordane to the rules that Bes has provided,
i pass the ball to:
Katrina! Hans! Euggles! Baby sis! Cha!
Micah! Ate Neng! Lisa! Belle! Lidi!

Noontime God

2006-08-05T00:49:00.000-07:00

i just heard something very disturbing today. it just proved to me how gullible and forgetful we Filipinos are, and how easily we let those in power whitewash their mistakes.

i went to the barbershop to have my monthly trimming. On the tv was Wowowee, and it seemed to ba an episode broadcasting from another country. There was someone singing (though i couldn't see who it was because i had my glasses on) an oldie of which i could not place the title. The song was basically about hope (which isn't nowadays?) and every now and then, the guy, whom i was sure was not Willie Revillame, kept adlibbing "Mabuhay ang mga OFW!" and "Mabuhay ang Pilipinas!" with the occasional speech on how the overseas countryman would slave over his work for long hours in the name of the motherland. That was not at all surprising, nor was it uncommon. but what DID catch my attention was the line:

"Mabuhay si Willie, ang PROPETA ng kasiyahan!"

To my shock, some of the sudience responded with an Amen, and that the gesture did not bother them at all! It was as if they, immortalized him, idolized him, EVEN WORSHIPPED HIM! The singer, whom i saw as a faceless man, came to make like that of a preacher. He was addressing the workers as if he came to deliver them from their troubles, in the name of Willie, his god.

Is that it, then? Is that how easily we forget? i sure haven't...

I hold no personal grudge against Willie, nor do i blame him for the Ultra incident. He is merely a frontman, a face with whom the masses can grow affectionate with. In even simpler words, he is their puppet. But what does strike a chord in was not that he had the audacity to allow the reinstatement of the show (what media company, in their right mind, would entirely scrap a show that has garnered insane amounts of viewer ratings? Conscience? i sincerley doubt it), but to run it as if the whole incident never occured! Oh sure, there were infomercials teaching people on the proper ins and outs of proper conduct before, during, and after each taping, how to safely exit the premises should another emergency ever occur, and even how sorry they were (though i'm not saying they aren't) to the families whose lives will forever be scarred by this most unfortunate of tragedies.

But please, will that really matter if they're still feeding the same old crap to the impoverished and the desparate? There will STILL be those who see Wowowee and its likenesses as beacons of hope, a way out of the miserable state of their lives. They will STILL squeeze in line just to get a glimpse of their god. They will STILL leave behind their less-secure jobs (but jobs nonetheless) to risk life and limb for a handful of entry passes. They will STILL insist on staying in the queues, even if there are no more seats available in the studio. They will STILL allow themselves to be paddled around by unrelenting hosts, degrading themselves in front of the country for a temporary relief, one that will soon leave them the way they were, only hungrier for the fleeting taste of a so-called "paradise"...

And yes, given the chance, they will STILL be smiling and cheering, even though they trampled on other's lives, just because they're on television.

As I see it, there's no point on arguing with the Media on this... in another 4 months or so, they'll make all of you forget that i evn bothered to stand against their prophet.

uh, that was wierd...and stupid

2006-08-04T09:05:00.000-07:00

ei, just wanted to post this. i still have 2 blog assignments to finish, but i just had to write about what happened last wednesday night.

tita chiqui texted me on my old, old phone number (which was stolen in high school- thanks francis) and she got a reply. i decided to try and text the number, and, lo and behold, i got a reply!
apparently, the dumbass was to lazy to change the simcard...

la lang, so i sent him a barrage of sms about conscience and stuff, how disappointed i was that an atenean could do that( although not at all surprised)

anyhoo, i left him alone, ill probably just have his simcard blocked or what-not hahahahaha

part TWO!!!

2006-07-07T04:58:00.000-07:00

at last, tinamad na ako ng sobra sobra para isulat ang sumunod na kabanata sa aking kwento ng kababalaghan...(nagdugo yung ilong ko dun ah...)

anyhoo, this is the second part of my previous post which tackled the experience i had during my first ever... BLANK!!!! you'll know later... it has something to do with the fact i have new wallpaper for my phone even when i said that i wouldn't change it until i got the pic from my multiply..

it happened around after school, when i was on my way home.. sta lucia, actually, because that was where i was going to be fetched. i walked with martin to mini-stop, then we parted ways, him off to the lrt station, while i went to the terminal. around that time of the day, which was to my memory 5 o'clock in the afternoon, its pretty hard to catch any kind of public transport to where you want to go.. unless you were taking the lrt... which would be packed with the volume of people on their way home.. thereby stressing my point. anyhoo, i just missed an fx on its way to sta lucia, thereby forcing me to take the next available puj to sta lucia. i hated taking the jeepney to anywhere(mainly because i have this thing against the jeepney drivers..(which is wholey my opinion) who are very reckless drivers, who will stop just about anywhere on any part of the road just to get a passenger, who will look the other way when they change lanes even when their still on the lane that your on just to say that they didn't see you when you hit them because of their own stupidity, and who turn a blind eye to robbers plying their jeeps. Don't take me wrong, i don't hate jeepney drivers in general, just the aforementioned group... coz they really piss me off..). anyhoo, it was packed, which forced me to sit nealry at the edge of my "portion" of the seat. (nobody really gets a permanent seat in a jeep except the guys in front) as i was saying earlier, there were so many people there that one guy right in front of me sat at the middle of the jeep. anyhoo, i paid him no mind while i took out some change for the fare. when i paid the driver, there came back a handful of coins to which i just passed on to the guy next to me, who then passed it on to the next guy, until it reached the end of the jeep. it went back to me, so i just gave it to the guy seated in front. some of the coins fell to the floor so he put his hand on my knee to look for it. of course, this took me by surprise, but being the idiot that i am, i didn't say anything. but what really made me the dumbass was when he pulled my leg and i still didnt budge! that has got to be an A+ for my effort at being stupid! when he finally let go and got down from the jeep, the guy beside me suddenly told me that the guy picked up something from the floor. it took me a full 10 seconds before i checked my pocket..

and poof! my cellphone was gone!

still showing signs of my idiocy, i jumped off the jeep even though it was perfectly clear that i had no chance of finding the guy. i was screaming back all the way. DAMMIT! WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE ME??? i remember giving back two wallets i found just that month. was it His way of saying thanks? i tried to get that thought out of my system, but hell, i was pissed! how could i have been more stupid? the funny thing is, i actually did... i was so riled up about losing my phone that i failed to realize the fact that he couldn't have picked up my phone from the floor! it had to be the guy seated beside me! the very same guy who told me to get off and chase after the guy... SONOVA... that really pissed me off... i dunno why... but even for just my cellphone...

i felt like i wanted to kill the guy...

(don't worry, my "loyal" fans, i am NOT losing my mind... well not yet, but surely not now. As your reading this, i am into making another post on the "moral" of the incident... will probably come out.... when i feel like it... hahaha di pa ba kayo sanay?)

Always look at the bright side of life

2006-07-01T06:39:00.000-07:00

the title, it sounds oh so cliche. right? of course it does! its been way overused, so much that it seems to have lost its power whenever you hear it. But every now and then, in the face of an unexpected adversity, it'll suddenly pop in to your head to remind you to "always look at the bright side of life"

During chem class, i remember my blockmate, wesley, showing me his stressball. it was quite old, with a smiley on one side, and a quote on the other. Wes turned to me and asked me if i had seen the inscription before. i have, and it was quite a moment of disbelief for him to ask me that. of course i have, who else hasn't?

(to be continued)
ill try to finish the next part when i feel like it...hahahahahahahhahaha but seriously, it'll be finished by next week

Buhay College Boy... The mini-series

2006-06-19T03:50:00.000-07:00

I'm planning on keeping my blog up to date so i can practice on writing essays.... starting probably next week.... anyhooo.... college is fun.... hahahahaha

the dangers of being fat...

2006-05-31T18:57:00.000-07:00

kalingan ko pa bang sabihin yon? pambihira yan, i have to follow a diet na dahil sa pagka overweight ko! okie lang naman.. actually, matagal na akong nagiintay ng may magtutulak sakin na magdiet.. so game na!

welcome home nga pala bes! congratulations on your succesful OS!

may be i should write about the da vinci code controversy...

..

2006-04-27T00:15:00.000-07:00

just feeling so depressed...

Just a little something to whet your appetite

2006-04-26T23:48:00.000-07:00

The following essay (tama nga ba?) was written by my English teacher, Chan Ylagan, to comment about the phenomenon that is currently polluting the minds of the Filipino masses...

The Perils of the PBB Phenomenon

The crowd gives a deafening cheer and a rousing standing ovation as six pairs of young men and women come out from the back part of a platform illuminated by a thousand glittering lights, clad in matching biker outfits of mauve, cerulean and gold—all bright colors that signify youth and vitality—each one ready to claim all the glory in the world from the center of the stage, as it were. Undulating awkwardly to the beat of a popular melody which has become the cultural catchphrase of an entire generation, the twelve wear smiles worthy of toothpaste endorsements as they bask in the adulation of people who unwittingly feed their egos. Riding in brand-new, gleaming motorcycles, the twelve part the motley sea of curious onlookers, supporters and followers as they travel to the place they will call home for the next forty-two days, in hopes of forging new friendships, finding true love, and (if they're lucky) winning one million pesos.
Such was the scene in the opening of ABS-CBN's latest installment of the (debatably) popular TV franchise, Pinoy Big Brother. Now sporting "Teen Edition" as its oh-so-creative kicker, the show intends to pit twelve (wonder of wonders) teenage boys and girls in dangerously close quarters for a prize package worth at least one million pesos, sans all the fringe benefits of appearing on such a show (read: endorsements, TV hosting gigs, modeling stints, having your own love team, you name it). And while I have never been a big fan of the series ever since it was adapted to suit the Filipino palate, I can say in my own humble opinion as an average member of the viewing public that I have had enough, and that this particular incarnation of the show flat-out stinks.
First of all, let me concede that it is hard to be objective while watching a reality TV series as Pinoy Big Brother. The temptation of seeing images of our own repressed, savage psyche subjected to cleverly concocted and well-executed dilemmas captured on camera is just so terrible that it's become fascinating. I know we sometimes catch ourselves doing a reflexive uptake as we see ourselves in the entangled lives of Zanjo, Bianca, Sam and Rustom, and we sometimes even feel self-righteous over these characters in some kind of bizarre, vindictive Schadenfraude. That being said, however, I feel that shows like PBB perpetuate the voyeuristic tendencies of the Filipino culture; an acculturation that has somehow justified (and indeed, validated!) our "need" to fork over each other's dirty laundry. In short, it breeds a culture of chismis, an act that the average Filipino has gotten around to accepting so long as it's not being done to him. Political Science professors would tell you that politics exists anywhere there is human interaction, but Kuya's household, being a "carefully controlled" environment where majority of external stimuli is eradicated, seems more like a cruel, if accurate, Pavlovian experiment. The reality factor of PBB is different from the reality factor of say, the Amazing Race, because while both provide contrived situations that "test" each contestant, the manner by which the Amazing Race elicits our empathy and attention is on how each pair overcomes such contrivances. PBB does just the opposite, capturing our attention by tastelessly focusing on how people get stuck in their respective ruts and spiraling down towards depression or self-destruction, as was the case with certain PBB contestants. If the Amazing Race is a display of humans' triumph against adversity, PBB glories in the wallowing of people in the said adversities. Some people may argue that PBB eventually seeks the same ideal as displaying man's glory in the face of adversity since it offers a prize at the end, but such a justification overlooks the fact that the means to get to the prize is by playing up the wrenching human (more often "romantic") problems while inside the house to elicit viewer sympathy, and consequently, gather enough votes to muscle your way to the prize money.
Unfortunately, PBB: Teen Edition is no different from the previous installments of the show in this aspect. The concept is actually identical to the first two shows, with the only difference being that the players this time around are teenagers. I find trouble with this particular incarnation of the show on two counts.
First, I find it particularly disturbing that the portrayal of the youth in the show is highly one-dimensional and stylized. The show claims to gather together contestants from all walks of life, when in reality the difference among the contestants is largely geographical—and even that doesn't count for much because some of the contestants live within one hour of each other. You may claim to have individuals of "unique and explosive personalities", but in truth, PBB is a show about the bourgeois by the bourgeois. PBB glosses over the other 95% of the teenage population who do not fit into the show's neat little categorizations as "the Teenage Mother from Laguna" or "the AmBoy from GenSan" or (gasp!) "the Atenean Scholar from Quezon City." Why don't we have "the Out of School Youth from Tondo" or "the Juvenile Delinquent from Subic" or "the Child Laborer from Payatas"? While I have nothing against people from the middle- to the upper-class, it is a crime for PBB: Teen Edition to consciously skim over these kinds of people in favor of those who are exponentially beautiful or glamorous. At least PBB: Celebrity Edition gave a fighting chance to the physically challenged and the virtual unknowns—the Teen Edition doesn't seem to be so inclusive. Maybe it is not so much the fault of the contestants as it is the network's, which as a primarily profit-oriented company needs to turn a blind eye to the less appealing but admittedly more real fringes of society in order to justify its capitalist roots, where the marginalized people are reduced to voting fanatically for the person that they want to win. Also to blame is the screwed-up portrayal by media of what is acceptable or not. In an age where myths and fallacies of beauty and fame and wealth are so prevalent, we become nothing but passive receptors of manufactured principles. It becomes doubly aggravating to watch the show and its contestants perpetuate its own feeble version of reality in such precocious and cutesy tasks as looking for a Miniature Schnauzer named "Disney" in a pile of exotic canines amid screams of "It's gonna make kagat na!" or "Paano ko siya iki-carry?" And what's next? Do we also expect the teens to flirt, fall in love, engage in catfights ("I don't like Back Fighters na tao …"), and the like? Even worse, do we expect to derive amusement from such instances?
Second and picking off from the first point, the show undoubtedly plays with the volatility of teenage emotions. While it is true (and some WILL claim this) that a lot of our teenagers today are mature and independent for their age, still a great number of them have yet to fully form a well-developed sense of self and being. Many teenagers still have difficulty reining in their feelings, thoughts and emotions in a manner that will withstand the strong pressure of a society that dictates what they should and should not do or be. This is not to say that the youth are gullible—far from it—but my fear is that with the way media plays up the ideals of our age, their convictions may not develop in a positive way, or at least not in a way that will be beneficial in the long run. As some internet forums have noted, these teenagers will not do anything except magpa-cute, amid a context of sustained societal pressure in terms of how they should look, how they should act, and what they should do. These teenagers will begin to realize (if they haven't already) that in order to win, one must play it cool or go with what the public wants. The consequence of not doing so would, of course, mean only one thing: eviction. If we continually foster this culture of voyeuristic familiarity and contrived socialization, what kind of future are we building for ourselves and for the next generation? The concept is made more terrifying when we realize that it is not just our own dirty laundry that we are airing out in public, but our children's. In a way, we have prostituted the youth when we find a perverse sense of entertainment in watching how they operate in a Trumanesque setting, especially if we expect the same things to happen as did in the previous PBB shows.
As a teacher of teenagers, I take particular offense at the gross oversimplification of the adolescent life depicted in PBB: Teen Edition. If I have learned anything as a teacher, it is to believe unconditionally in the great potential of each student, and to actively refuse to box them under convenient but imprecise labels. Society should know better than to try to have an assimilated understanding of adolescents, much more impose its own pre-conceived yet faulty notions of what reality should be. We continually whine about our frustrated efforts of searching for the leaders of tomorrow, but who should we blame for a culture of mediocrity, elitism and immaturity but ourselves? If it is true that we can't teach old dogs new tricks, then let our generation perish in our self-induced spiraling towards self-destruction. But for the love of God, spare the youth from this madness. Instead, if we want to see how savage human nature can be, I'm all for putting politicians—Administration, Opposition, their puppets, and everything else in between—inside Kuya's house. That should prove to be an interesting sleaze fest if I ever see one. Just don't make the winner the next President.

2006-03-24T18:09:00.000-08:00

Hello po uli mga tao, haha
thanks to my bes, Rovy, for remembering a whole lot of the details regarding the grad ball..
makalimutin kasi ako eh....hehehe

Pagdating ng around 3 in the afternoon, nagsimula na akong magprepare for the ball... aba, nagkuskos talaga ako ha! (gusto kasi ni bes na mabango ako eh! hahahaha) oo nga pala, i had a debate with my ma tungkol dun sa isusuot ko sa ball. i wanted to wear my dark blue na long sleeved polo, pero due to unforeseen circumstances (tumaba ako...) masikip na siya! therefore, ma bought me some new polos... pero light blue! waaaaaaaaaaa... pero no choice eh... kasalanan ni jabee yan... hahaha nagulat na lang ako nung makita ko sarili ko sa mirror... THANK YOU MA!!! bumili nga rin pala siya ng bouquet and "corsage" for my date... of course, di pwedeng mawala yung tulip! dagdag sweety points! hahaha

bago ako umalis, napansin ko na lang na wala pala si da! di pa naman ako marunong magtie ng... tie.... hahahaha kaya ayun, humabol si da para maiayos niya... Thank you din po da!

Thank you din pala kay tita nel! pinahiram niya ako ng sorento for the ball! thank you din kay kuya candoy for driving me and meh date to the ball... dami naman... hahahahaha

pagdating ko sa dorothy barnes salon sa may fairview, bigla akong nanlamig... its time...

yung di ko talaga makalimutan nung pumunta ako dun sa salon is after seeing my sweety in her dress, bigla ba namang sinabi nun bading na hairdresser:

"..ei Rovy, eto na ang 'yong knight in shining armor.."

haha, narun pa naman yung ma ni bes! hahahaha (Note: SObrang ganda ni Rovy sa dress nya, bigla akong natulala...)

nung pasakay na si bes sa car, bigla ba namang may mga nahulog na mga papel niya from her book! pinulot ko na lang lahat... dagdag sweety points uli...

ano ba naman yan... nakalimutan kong ilagay sa likod yung bouquet! ayun tuloy, nakita agad ni rovy... anyhoo, at least i got her favorite flowers...

ano ba naman yan..yung corsage na binili ni ma, wala pa lang ribbon! tumawag pa ako sa bahay just to confirm it... ok naman, maganda pa rin si bes kahit wala yun eh... did i mention na ba kung gano ka ganda yung dress ni bes? nagkaroon lang ng slight almost-problem... may pagkabackless ng konti yung dress niya.. so nagkaron ako ng slight apprehension.. pero naisip ko rin na bahala na, anong magagawa nila? di nila kami papapasukin? pagchachapakin ko sila eh! hahaha

as i feared, masyado pa kaming maaga! biruin mo ba naman, 5.30 pa lang, nandun na kami! eh ayoko namang mainitan si bes kaya nagstay muna kami dun sa car until 6, nakikinig sa cd na binigay niya sakin nung v-day.. pinicturan kami ni kuya nung pagbaba namin kasi lagot siya kay ma kung hinde eh! hahaha

nung nag reg na kami, pinakilala ko siya kay mammy siega.. and to a whole lot of other people... of which i don't have much a memory about...hahaha oh yeah...yung isa nga pala sa mga greeters sa ball was the 3rd year na cluster head ng team sports. kay nung pag daan ko, may kasama pang " welcome to the grad ball, Sir George" Naks! dagdag sweety points uli! hahahaha

nagpakuha kami ng puics namin after sa studio... sabi mag paka sweet daw kami... which of course we did! hahaha after that, pumunta na kami dun sa table namin... after the bomb check... hahahahahahahaha nga pala, nalaman na rin namin kung sino yung mystery table 4th partner... sila kix! yung iba were mats and belle, taks and carlo, and kami ni rovy...

at last, makakakakain na kami! pero come to think about it, ang konti lang ng kinain ko! inaapektuhan nga ako ni bes! hahaha pero si bes, and dami!!!!! may "a little bit of everything" ka pang nalalaman ah... hahaha nahilo nga lang ako dun sa chocolate fondue... ang tapang eh... di rin nagustuhan ni bes kasi masyadong matamis...

nga pala... a step in development... di na ako addict sa baraha! its not nice to waste my time on cards when im with someone special... pero nanalo naman ako nung sumali ako ng 1, and only 1, game.. ahehehehe

ah.. the most special part of the night... one i have always dreamed of since last years botched prom...

...the dance

of course, i would be a fool to pass this up... habang naglalaro pa sila josh, ininvyt ko si rovy to dance... and it seems so painfully obviuos that i can't dance...hahaha pero di bale na, its my last chance.. what the hell... after a while, umupo kami to rest... pero the slow dance was just about to start...

i stood up..

held out one hand..

and i asked her...

"Rovy, would you care to dance?"

(yikee, kinikilig ako! hahaha)

after the king and queen of the ball finished the first dance, nagkakailangan pa kung sino sasayaw... so i led her to the floor... and we danced... it didn't seem to matter to me who else was around... we just danced... and it was a dream come true for me...

it just felt so right...

i danced with her and only her throughout the slow dance... because i saw no one else but her... and it was all i could ever ask for...

we went to eastwood a little later, para may post prom kahit papano, pero i brought her home din after an hour... nag punta kami sa oj's for a little snack... after scouring the entire area of eastwood... hahaha of course naman, di ko siya pinainom na kahit aanong alcoholic drinks...

the other thing that i remembered, and loved to remember was the ride home...

medyo inaantok na ako nun eh.. nakapikit pa nga ako..

and then, all of a sudden...

i felt something on my left cheek...

yikee!

when we got home, i kissed her on the cheek din after i said thanks for the wonderful nyt...

after that...

i kissed her again...

because the first one wasn't enought to show how much i appreciated what she did for me...

that has to be one of the best nights of my life...

and everything seemed to go so right...

i thought it would never end...

but it had to...

still, it means not that we cease to live...

nor do we lock up our emotions...

call me old-fashioned...

but that's what something (or someone) special to me means...

Pre ball ko (part 1 pa lang to)

2006-03-24T18:05:00.000-08:00

Hey, wassup?
After a much overdue hiatus on blogging in lieu of trying to make it to college, summer has finally found its way back into my life. A lot has gone by since my last real entry (the others were crap I made just to save my blog from deletion, except the pics), but one seems to have garnered the most priority for time. Its was, no doubt, one of the most special nights of my entire stay in the high school, or my life for that matter. Yep, that’s right. Dear ladies and gentlemen (though I doubt any REAL ladies and gentlemen would read this little journal of mine), I would like to share with you my experience…

…at the class night.

Wait… are you disappointed? Hahaha, don’t worry, ahmajesmesin with you all. What I’m going to write about is my graduation ball extravaganza (its not a real extravaganza, but come on, work with me here!)

To be truthful, this entry cannot, and will not ever justify the magnitude of that experience. Almost a week has gone by since that night, and I still can’t stop looking at my celfone’s new wallpaper, which, as you’ve probably guessed, is one we took during the ball. Let me break down the chronology of that day, as telling the whole story would take a whole lot more time than I would normally allot for this activity.

My day begins with me waking up (duh..) to the realization that its finally the day of my grad ball. (ah… kaya pala…di naman kasi nilinawan agad eh) Sino ba naman ang di maeexcite sa ganitong klaseng araw??? Nag pagupit ako nung umaga kasi sabi ni ma magpakulay daw ako! Naisip ko na nga rin na medyo may katagalan na nung huling nagpatrim ako kaya bahala na. My fellow MEN that have not had their hair colored, I beseech you, DO NOT ATTEMPT to test the powers of salon people!!! Pucha! Sobrang init pala pag nagpapakulay ka! You have to apply heat for 45 minutes to the hair, and scalp for that matter, para mag set in yung color! Trust me, its way uncomfortable. But of course, the fruit of our sufferings will bring a smile to our faces. I had a head full of black hair for my grad ball night. Ah… no more creeping white hair on MY ball pics! hahaha

stay tuned na lang for the second part of my post...

"Ulam" by Bitoy (ngayon lang ako nagka oras para hanapin to..)

2006-03-10T23:12:00.000-08:00

Lyrics by: Bitoy
I
lagi na lang walang ulam
sweldo naman nung katapusan
kulang ang pambili
tiyan ko ngayo’y
parang wlang laman

II
naubos na ang lahat
pati toyo at ketchup
nabibitin pa rin
dahil hindi masarap

III
ginagawa mo kong tanga
ulam ko na chi-now mo pa
medyo panis pa ang kaning-lamig
tutong lang at pinipig
IV
iniwan mong galunggong
nag-iisa, kinain ng pusa
at akoy bitin pa sa ulam

V
pero ako’y nagalala
baka masobrahan sa kanin
alam kong ito ang dahilan ng pagtaba

VI
nanghihingi na sa yo
di pa rin binibigyan
mahirinan ka sanang
buwisit ka ang damot mo (tado)

repeat 1, IV, V, VI
Hala wala na naman (2x)wala na namang
Repeat 2x

ei

2006-02-02T05:41:00.000-08:00

Bujagalabugabu!

Angas Bes

2006-01-16T03:21:00.000-08:00

HuggaBes!

2006-01-16T03:20:00.000-08:00

2006-01-16T03:19:00.000-08:00

Too tired to copy

2006-01-05T05:09:00.000-08:00

Check niyo po sa Friendster bulletin board yung pinost ko today, january 5, at aroung 8:30.... its kinda.... something....

A fallacy to remember...

2005-12-20T05:31:00.000-08:00

lang kwenta yung title ko... nasabaw lang kasi yung utak ko sa english... i don't have the strength (or willpower) to write something that makes sense right now... i'm tired of typing... Call me, anyone...talk to me...

Ano ba naman yan...

2005-12-08T23:53:00.000-08:00

Ang labo naman... di man lang nagiba yung grades ko... Pano ako maiinspire mag aral kung pumapasa ako? haay...

Di naman pala nakakatakot eh...

2005-11-28T00:00:00.000-08:00

For some unknown reason...(GeorgeA:well, not acually. GeorgeB: FINE! FINE! babaguhin ko na...) For some reasons that i cannot publicly reveal right now...(GA: sus, sasabihin mo rin naman mamaya eh...) For some reasons that i'll reveal later in the entry...(GA: yan... pero... GB: SHADAP!) Di kami tumuloy no rovy sa concert ng ateneo. To be specific, ayaw ko na actually pumunta dun, kahit na may mga kasama pa kaming classmates ko. All i ever wanted to do was spend tym with her... 2 weeks na kaming di nagkikita, kaya napagisipan ko na ang gagawin lang namin that nyt was be with each other, doing things we missed doing... And for reasons (GA:again...) i cannot reveal the ensuing parts of this entry. Why, you ask? Baka kasi bugbugin ako ni josh. plain and simple...(GA: sus, di ka lang makaganti dahil kay che eh! GB: Ugok! kakampi natin si baby sis! GA: oo nga pala no? Sige, ok lang pala!) Pero still, a blog entry will not suffice nor give justice to that wonderful night... If you really want to know what happened, text me or ask me at school... i'm more than willing to give my time to you...(GA: well, di pa rin eh... GB: Tumahimik ka na nga!)

At last, LAST SEM NA!!!!!!!!!.....

2005-11-25T00:00:00.000-08:00

If its the last sem of the school year, bakit di ako masaya? Siguro naman, after 5 years sa high school, magsasawa na rin ako no?...

Hindi eh...

5 years in the Ateneo will teach you that. Repeating first year will teach you that. Seeing your former batchmates in college will teach you that...

Its not that i don't want to graduate, pero alam mo na, you can ( and most probably will) get attached to your high school classmates. It's that stage in life when your God-given hormones start acting up and we go through a lot of changes. High school is the place were you will mostly learn most of what you THINK there is to life that will prepare you fo the real thing after college. Let's face it, high school, the Ateneo especially, isn't exactly the epitome of moral and spiritual growth. In fact, its the complete opposite! This is where teenagers magical four-letter words that will soon become a normal part of every sentence. Porn becomes a tradable commodiy. Inuman sessions is soon integrated in sleep-overs for "projects". In short, high school becomes a haven for everything "fun" in this world...

pero is this entirely bad?

Tecnically speaking, yes, it is bad!(tinatanong pa ba yun?) pero the lessons that we gather from these experiences will be what we use for the rest of our lives... The lessons of Brotherhood, Temptation, Failure, Never Giving Up, Comraderie, and Family, most importantly, are those that we will never forget because we have earned these first-hand! 20 years from now, when you have teenagers of your own, and they say that you don't understand what they're going through, you can reply," Alam mo anak, wala pa yan sa kagaguhan na ginawa ko nung kasing edad kita. Di ko matatangging nasiyahan ako dun. Pero nalaman ko na mali pa rin yun at sana'y di mo na matularan pa sa akin. Kung gusto mong uminom, halika, inom tayo..."

If you're still wondering why i don't want high school to end is because i'll have a great class to leave behind! I love my class,kahit na nagkakagaguhan at nagkakaasaran o sakitan man! They have become the brothers that I never had!(kahit si Dave, sige na nga, tatawagin ko na ring bro ko...hahahaha) Except the class is on borrowed time... last few months na natin to sa high school... at over staying na rin ako... Most likely, mahihirapan na tayong makapag get together after a few years... less and less time for each other... But that doesn't mean that we stop being 4h. No, di pwedeng mawala yun sa atin. Inuukit na yun sa mga puso natin for the past 2 years and 6 months...

So, ayun na nga, its fun ranting about how much i'll miss high school, pero i don't think na this entry is enough... No, nowhere near as enough. The only way to give justice to the last sem is to live it as if it were the last sem of our high school lives. Because in reality, it really is...

"This is the high school life for me,

just waiting for the next thing to see...

The friends we keep,

We took a daring leap,

Just to be who we want us to be"

Yes, this is how i want to remember my high school life...

Time spent well

2005-11-16T05:00:00.000-08:00

it didn't go as i had planned, but why should i be closed minded? enjoy what you can and let life run its pace

I got a gift too...

Bring me back to earth... or at least drag me back

2005-11-07T04:52:00.000-08:00

damn... i gotta start thinking straight. don't know why i let things end up like this. i wasn't like this before... no more excuses... i hurt the one person who i thought i had given enough love... but then again, i didn't... i thought i did... but i knew it too that i wasn't always there, not like she was... she always found ways to give more... but being the self centered bastard that i was (or still am, i'm afraid), i have yet to make significant sacrifices of my own... i hate myself right now... she doesn't deserve to be treated like this, and especially not from me... back again to the days of self-hating, self-bashing, and self degration... too bad i'm an eternal optimist... can't stand hurting myself too much... always looking for a way out... no more of this... i said i'd change but where do i start?... i keep asking and asking and asking... but i don't do anything... i keep on blabbing and blabbing and blabbing... but i don't really say anything... i keep on promising and promising and promising... but damn, they keep getting shattered...

im so damn tired of being me...

screw me... i wanna change... but how can i be sure it isn't my mouth talking? so damn tired of me lying... so damn tired of doing it to her... no more...

words are so overrated...

has it really been this long?

2005-10-23T03:09:00.000-07:00

labo nung title ko no? kakapost ko palang kahapon, tapos parang kay tagal na...

pero it's not about the entries...

Today is October 23, 6 months since the day na una kaming nagkita...

ever since then, lyf has been a roller coaster of emotions. there were a lot of firsts, both good and bad... there's never been a day that we never texted each other, never a moment that i didn't want to be with her...

i was scared beacuse of this. scared beacuse i had no idea of what i was going in to. all that i knew was that she would be someone i would never forget, nor would i ever want to lose

we once promised that we would never leave each other, especially since the day that we became the best of friends... and i plan on keeping that promise.

i love my bes, and i know that she loves me too...

now that's something i can commit to...

Pic na ginawa ni miggymon....stig

2005-10-22T05:18:00.000-07:00

Let them tell their stories

2005-10-22T04:57:00.000-07:00

I never liked stars before
well, not until her
She made it seem
that everyday without her
is a year spent in limbo
and that every moment
i held her hand was in itself
an eternity...

She made me look up,
to see what she saw...

I'll never understand
what make stars so great
except that they hold stories
and that man, in his imperfection,
has always sought the tales
these celestial gods hold...

I wonder why i still look up
and ponder about times long past
that there used to be someone
who looked up and thought
about the very same things
i asked myself today...

And now, after all that,
i am only certain of one thing...

I have found my star,
and the story that it holds.
It was, and always has been,
inside the very same person that i love...
We've found our story,
and we know for sure
that we will always be together...

How do you ask?
look up....

It's written in the stars....

Every Now and Then...

2005-10-22T04:12:00.000-07:00

Just as my title suggests, paminsan-minsan nalang ako makapag post sa blog ko... I don't know kasi eh, nakakatamad ng magpagod o maglaan ng oras sa pagsusulat ng pwede mo nalang ikwento. pero sometimes, parang mas madali pala na magsulat nalang. whenever you write about what you feel, napapaisip ka tuloy...

"What made me write in the first place?"

bat nga ba ako nagsulat ngayon?

siguro dahil may nangyari sa akin na kanaisnais o kaya'y ang kabaliktaran nito...

pero salamat naman, masaya itong paglalahad ko...

as always, its about me and my bes, Rovy...

Grabe talaga yung mga nangyari last saturday, sobrang memorable. Mahirap ipaliwanag, pero then and there, bago kami makalabas ng ateneo patungong mcdo, nagsabihan kami ng aming pagmamahal sa isa't isa. ang pa lag behind talaga kami sa mga kasama namin, just so that we could share the moment together... i took her hand, then i looked into her eyes...

I said, "I love you bes"

and she said,

"I love you too bes"

i never wanted to let her hand go... and neither did she...

...

2005-10-17T04:44:00.000-07:00

"Let life run its course, as it should. But Life be damned it doesn't include her"

maraming nangyari last saturday na gusto kong sabihin pero baka makasulat pa ako ng nobela. well not really. grabe, it's so hard to describe what happened that night. Sobrang daming nangyari na di ko kailan man makakalimutan. May mga firsts para sa akin, at dahil dun, di ko malaman kung ano nga ba talaga ang nangyayari sa akin... pero there were only a few words that i could use to describe it,

magical...

Guess who's back...(sino nga ba?)

2005-10-13T04:42:00.000-07:00

haay... parang ang saya uli mag blog. ang rami kong gustong isulat pero kulang sa oras... ang sarap kasi maglabas ng mga naramdaman. Sobrang dami na kasing nangyayari sa buhay ko na i have to be thankful for...

ang sarap talagang umiyak uli...

and it also feels so good to have someone say "i love you" to you
especially if it comes from someone you also love

sabihin niyo ng corny ako, pero ganyan talaga ako eh. there are just some things i hold dear to me that i doesn't matter to me if you disagree. you who have yet to know me be the last to judge what i do and say... so you better start getting to know me.

all you need is to ask...

and you will recieve...

something siguro, ewan ko

oh yeah, guess who misses his bes a lot.

2005-09-25T02:12:00.000-07:00

hey bes, i hope your gonna be reading this...

sobra ko na talagang na miss ang bes ko kaya excited talaga ako kahapon. biruin mo nga naman, ilang linggo rin tayong di nag kita. siguro, pinabayaan talaga ni kuya jess na mangyari yon. nakita ata niya na may mga bagay-bagay akong kailangang linawin sa utak ko.

Do i really miss you, bes?

napagisip talaga ako noon, at di ko mahanap sa sarili ko dati na sabihing oo nga, miss kita... kinailangan ko talagang maranasan ang paghihinagpis na hindi ka makasama o makapiling. dun bes, dun ko lang talaga malalaman kung mahalagang mahalaga ka nga sa akin...

alam mo ba ang nangyari sa akin?

di ko makayanan bes, di ko matiis na naging ganun tayo. you wanted me to sacrifice, bes, and i wasn't sure if i really could do it. were you asking too much? i needed to know bes. Nakita ko na as your bes, i wanted something more, something i knew i wasn't prepared for. i wanted too much from you, and yet i did not stop to think about what you wanted. you mean a lot to me bes, more than i could ever explain in words.

alam mo bes, corny ako eh, pero pag dating sa ganito, nagbubuhos talaga ako ng lahat ng nilalaman ng damdamin ko....

haay naku...

2005-09-13T04:14:00.000-07:00

grabe talaga, tinatamad akong gumawa ng matinong entry... i feel that i have no need for a blog since i don't have to confide myself to the world anymore.... but i'll keep this just for the sake of it...

MEGA GEORGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-09-05T04:22:00.000-07:00

ang saya naman kasama si bes....

2005-08-29T03:31:00.000-07:00

ano ba yan... ang tagal ko na palang di nakakapagpost...

2005-08-29T02:58:00.000-07:00

finally, may oras na rin! sayang nga lang exams na sa wednesday... di bale, kakayanin na lang. kailangan talagang ganyan, 4th year na eh. i have to start preparing myself for college... there will always be time for fun, pero right now, seryosohan muna... wala namn akong masyadong problema, so ang inaasam ko na lang ay makakuha ako ng mataas na grades right now. bakit? kasi para pagdating ng 3rd term, di ko ng magalala masyado and more time for bes..... and myself. TIME TO GET IT ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LET'S ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO MERCY SA EXAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh yeah, handa na ako...pag dating ng friday, enjoy na uli...hahahahaha

tv is getting really wierd.....(i mean wierder pala...)

2005-07-31T00:48:00.000-07:00

ang labo ng q-picks...
sinisira niya ang sanctitiy ng love...
pano ba sila nakaksigurado na love nga yun?
they made love a source of revenue...
binabastos nila ang pagiging special ng moment when you finally meet THAT person...
parang nakakasuka panoorin...

ang babastos ng mga producers ng show na yun...

Sometimes, Tama talaga ako...

2005-07-24T03:35:00.000-07:00

i just wanna write something... anything...

oh yeah... yung sa sta lucia nga pala... ok, here it goes...

i was in sta lucia yesterday with carlo(classmate ko) and we went to the arcade. May mga nakita kami na naglalaro ng SonicBlastMan and it seemed fun. So, dinare ko si carlo na itry niya yun, then i would try it. yun nga lang, there was this guy who went before us, and with for some unknown yet widely popular idea, he wrapped his left arm over his right wrist then punched... it was really wierd kasi eh... Yung pagsuntok pa nga niya was with a really wide swing... ok naman yung score, pero it was kinda cheap to do that...(220 ata yung score) of course, hanga yung mga tao... Si carlo naman, ginaya rin... pero dahil di siya sanay dun, sumakit yung wrist niya afterwards. sinabi ko pa sa kanya na wag nga niya gayahin yun eh. kaya ayun, baka na injure pa yun...

ok. turn ko na...

i played this game before sa sm fairview nung kasama ko si bes, so i had somewhat of an idea on how to play. tumayo ako 2 feet away from the machine with my left foot slightly forward. nung una, triny ko muna yung pinaka madali kasi i wanted to see muna kung kaya ko nga... when i punched, i put my left leg forward by a foot then twisted my body to the left, pero while keeping my fist close to my body. When i punch, i don't swing, kasi that really wastes a lot of energy and i know that mas malakas ang shoulders ko kaysa sa arms ko. oo nga pala, wala akong follow through kasi... ganun na ako nasanay eh...hahaha i just stop my fist nalang pag nakita ko ng bumagsak na yung target. grabe, i scored 234 dun sa first and the highest ko was a 257... and if you saw thier faces.... it was priceless... pare, this kid can punch...

ahehehehe, i ain't the team captain for nothing....

ang sya naman ng ipapakita ko sa parents ko sa midterms....

2005-07-12T03:16:00.000-07:00

science- 47 out of 50
math- 48.5 out of 55
english- 35 out of 40

at ang paborito ko!!!!!

48 out of 66 sa music!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WAKOKO!

gawa ni bes... astig!!!!!!

2005-07-05T04:27:00.000-07:00

Grabe, ang saya ng 4th year!(not really....i hate it...)

2005-06-28T04:22:00.000-07:00

just met with bes a while ago sa 711, then we went to cello's para makita na rin niya yung arts and crafts store... did a lot of stuff, but i'm not in the mood to right something long right now. gotta work on the research my group wants me to do. ayun, natapos na rin at last, pero don't know why i'm in a bad mood... maybe it has something to do with me thinking of leaving the team for a while... masyado na kasi maraming kailangang gawin na iniisip ko na i won't have time for the team anymore... but i'll try to join again after the upcat or after na makita ko na i'm academically stable... can't risk the last year of my high school sa Ateneo... isang taon na lang, i'll be out of this school na... this school has too many phonies to begin with... nakakahawa na tuloy... and besides, up is more financially accesible for my family...

ayun, till next week na lang uli. i forgot why, pero di ako makakapag online this saturday.... gtg na...

Dah org peyr!

2005-06-24T18:24:00.000-07:00

ano ba yan, mukang once a week na lang ako makakapag post sa blog.... anyhoo, last wednesday was our org fair, and since ako yung org head ng judo club, kailangan kong magayos ng mga demo... which turned out na sabog... but the great thing was, ang lulupit ng mga randori namin (randori is what we call matches in almost every japanese martial art... oooooohhhh....) the first one was me against Sir Tomas, or actually, Sensei Tomas, coz he was our sensei and all(duh....) and it was with the 3rd and 4th year students watching, and gino was recording it. the first throw was against me, kasi i did the stupid habit of mine to come in with a tani, or sacrifice throw. na counter tuloy ako ni sir... pag land ko, nag roll pa nga ako backwards because of the impact eh. Ayan... galit na ako...well not exactly...hahahahaha i came in again, then after a split second later, nag harai ako kay sir, which was surprisingly, a move i didn't know how to do! the next move was he grabbed my leg and then swept the other one, kaya ang lakas ng hulog ko...na shrinug off ko lang.... yabang no?hahahahaha then the worst part was, pagkatapos non, ginamit pa niya sakin yung favorite move ko!pagbagsak ko, dumiretso sa grappling, i used up a lot of strength pa nga to push him off eh, but i did... and that's what's important. we both stood up after that and i went for the legs naman with morote-gari, which looked like a Spear and a Spinebuster na pinaghalo. triny ko siyang i hold, pero he lifted himself up using my own gi! But i didn't let him go at pagkatayo na pagka tayo niya, i came in with my fave move, the osoto gari, na dineretso ko na rin sa grappling. i held him down for the full 25 seconds to get an ippon, pero since this wasn't a scored match, di bale na.

i don't remember much from our next match, but what i will NOT forget was that na kata-guruma ko si sir! for those of you who don't know what that is, para siyang F.U. ni john cena, but faster, and mas astig tignan coz it's real! if you still don't know that, para siyang fireman's carry, when you carry someone on your shoulders. if you STILL don't know that.................................... pakita ko na lang siguro sayo yung poster namin sa org fair. It was THAT DAMN COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! nag fake ako ng ippon seoi-nage, and i thought of going for a kouchi-gari (which you could also see in our poster, yung nasa babang throw, below the word ''ENOUGH''), pero naisip ko bigla, "pucha(sorry....hahahaha), org fair na rin lang naman, gawin ko na rin, bihira lang naman yung ganitong pagkakataon....". Binuhat ko bigla si mister tomas sa shoulders ko, and i looked at the audience ng sandali, na mga students ni sir, and then i lifted him up again and dropped him to the side... really, very astigin!hahahahahahaha After the match, ayaw na ni coach ng isa pa kasi ang sakit na daw ng likod niya.

so, there you have it, yun yung org fair namin na na orghead ako. the bad thing was, katabi namin yung bagong org na Capoiera, at nataboy kami nila sa wow factor. The good thing naman was that katabi nga namin yung Capoiera, and since may mga kasama silang babaeng uber-sexy (sorry bes! di na mauulit to!) nakikuha na rin ako ng picture with them! hahahaha i post ko nga minsan.....anyhoo, yun na yon... next week na lang uli!

Pic namin na inayos ni bes

2005-06-17T22:02:00.000-07:00

Bes can sing.......ahehehehe

2005-06-17T21:45:00.000-07:00

haay... di ko muna itutuloy yung nangyari pa sa sm harrison nung june 11, kasi dahil sa time restrictions at marami na rin ang nakakaalam nito... ang ikekwento ko na lang ay kung anong ginawa ni bes geo kahapon nung tinawagan niya ang kanyan bes na si rovy...

na LSS kasi ako kahapon nung paguwi ko sa "Beautiful as you" by all4one. grabe, nakakaadik yung kantang yon!haha tinetext ko si rovy nun and suddenly mi had this wierd yet amusing idea... tinanong ko si bes kung pwede ko siyang tawagan. plinay ko yung cd na binigay niya sa akin at pinause ko dun sa simula nung kanta. tinawagan ko siya at pagsagot ni bes, plinay ko uli yung kanta... dun ko nalaman na sintonado pala ako... hinaranahan ko siya ng 3 kanta tapos ng duet rin kami ng ilan... ayun, sayang nga lang dumating yung parents niya....basta prinamis ko sa kanya na the next time kong kakantahin yun, aayusin ko na....w8 ka na lang bes....

My First Tourney....

2005-06-11T22:51:00.000-07:00

Grabe, ang "saya" ng first tournament ko sa judo... dun sa mga di pa nakakaalam, team captain ako ng ateneo high school judo team. We just had our first tourney yesterday... and it was a real eye opener...

We met up sa 7-11 at around 5 in the morning. Kasi first of all, ang dali nung puntahan, and of course, pwede na akong mag breakfast dun!haha wala naman akong problema pag dating nun sa weigh in, so ok lang kumain ako. Inintay pa namin si kevin, pero ang malabo nun, ang lapit lang ng bahay nun eh! ayun, when he came na, sumakay na kami lahat dun sa van ko at naglakbay na sa kalawakan! or in other terms, quiapo! pag dating namin dun, nag unofficial weigh in kami. 86.66 kg ako so ok lang, pero si emil, 4 kilos overweight. That means na obviously, he has to lose 4 kilos before mag end ang weigh in time. Buti na lang, may oval dun, so pwede pa siyang makapagtakbo to try(emphasis on the word TRY) to lose the 4 kilos in 2 hours... Everyone knew na emil wouldn't be able to do it... even if he did, masyado na syang pagod nun to actually fight or anything. But... to make him feel good... pinatakbo na rin siya. I tried to be a good team captain and support him, pero that guy's an ass(pardon the expression) at medyo galit ako sa kanya, so i couldn't help but laugh inside... ang sama ko naman... mwahahahaha! Well, after watching emil vainly try to lose all that weight, nagpicture-picture muna kami dun sa bleachers... after some time, and after maubos ni kevin yung bat ni justin sa lemonade, nagisip akong magpaalam para kumain...grabe gutom na talga ako nun... kaya pumunta kami ng dad ko sa mcdo at nag binge ako!hahahaha ayun, nabusog ako ng todo...nung pagbalik namin, pinagintay pa ko ni coach sa office para may runner siya.... anyhoo, in short, di umabot si emil! hahahahahahahaha nakakatamad kasi siyang ikwento eh...hahaha fastforward nalang tayo sa 3 oras kong kakaintay nag laban.... sabi nila 10 daw magsastart pero 1 na rin nagsimula. ayun, di na nakapunta si gino, tapos tarantang taranta pa talaga ako sa kakaintay kay rovy... nung pagdating niya, sinundo ko pa para lang makahanap ng seat na maganda...haha ayun...
pang 12th na match pa ako kaya pwede pang magwarm up. Grabe, sobrang tense ko nun... ang rami ko pang iniisip... kaya tuloy nung nagsimula yung match, di man lang tumagal, na tani-otosh ako nung kalaban ko from mapua. ippon pa nga eh... pagktapos non, di ko namalayan na tapos na pala yung laban, kaya napasugod pa ako...grabe, nakakaihya naman... i needed some alone time..(with a certain someone,haha) to gather my thoughts and get some reassurance... kaya ayun, nagusap kami ni rovy sa may hallway under the bleachers... nagusap kami ng sandali, tapos pinakita pa niya sa akin yung drawing niya of me...haha nakakaenergize tuloy... i had to go soon nga lang, kailangan pang mag warmup eh... ganadong ganado na akong lumaban, klaro na at maayos na ang utak ko, handang handa na ko, kasi alam ko, basta idedicate ko kay kuya jess ang laban, supportado niya ako! Nung kaharap ko na uli yung kalaban ko, inisip ko na agad na kailangan kong manalo, kasi hinandog ko to kay kuya jess at ayokong nagbibigay ng panget! and besides, I came here to win!....problema nga lang, so did my opponent....pagsugod ko, nakita ko yung opportunity na makapasok ako at tinake ko...sayang nga lang nakita niya at hinarangan niya ako...biglang na lang siyang sumugod at binuhat ako...kaya ayun...bumagsak nanaman ako...grabe, ano ba yan...di man lang ako nakatagal uli... nakakainis... nagkamli pa nga ako ng paglabas dahil sa nawala ko sa pagiisip... ayun...sabi sa akin ni coach, ok lang, first tournament palang naman eh, di pa expected na manalo...pero deep inside me, alam ko na kaya ko naman...pero natalo pa rin ako... at ayokong natatalo... nung pabalik ako, napansin ko na suot suot ko pa rin yung blue sash ko... sabi sa akin ni coach na ibalik ko nalang, so pumunta ako dun sa may scorer's table at binigay ko yung sash. tapos for some reason, naisipan kong dumaan kay bes para makapag... walalang... gusto ko lang siguro dumaan...ayun, nag reassure siya sa akin, pero, some things are too hard for me to take in stride... i wanted to walk alone sa hallway.... buti nalang tigasin pa rin ako kahit konti... tapusin ko nalang to next time... intayin nyo na lang

part 2 ay dumating na!

2005-06-06T18:44:00.000-07:00

Ano ba yan... kailan pa namin ginawa to. haha. Dahil kinukulit na ako ng mga fwends kong peste(joke lang! baka kung anong gawin niyo pa sa akin ha!) itutuloy ko na rin at last yung entry ko about what happened sa g4, kung natatandaan ko pa...di ko kasi dapat pinatagal ng ganito eh. hahahaha. tuloy, kailangan ko pang tignan yung blog ni gino para matandaan yung mga nangyari... nakakahiya na to! hahahahaha... ay malas.....wala na pala sa blog ni gino yung g4 day....okie...tym to make hula hula the happeningsh.....hahahahaha san na nga ba ako nagtapos.... ah, okie... dun sa nangangasim na yung kili kili ko....(eeewwwwww, dapat lagyan ng censor tong blog ko... WARNING : EXPLICIT EKEK INSIDE! PARENTAL ADVISORY: CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 35 SHOULD NOT EVEN THINK OF READING THIS, AS THIS ENTRY WILL CAUSE PERMANENT AND IRREVERSABLE DAMAGE TO YOUR GLUTEUS MAXIMUS!)

eto na...(grabe, nakakalimutan ko na...) humabol pa ako kay gino sa deadline niya na 11 tapos pagdating ko dun, wala pa pala si eugglords! ano ba yan?... haha anyhoo, pinagmamalaki sa akin ni gino si (then-unnamed-but-why-should-care-because-i'm-gonna-give-somethnig-oh-so-uber-better-than-this-to-my-bes-balang-araw) Clyde (insert smiley face to disguise sarcasm) hehe joke lang! So, habang nagiintay, nilabas ni gino si len at kami'y nag jamming(well siya lang...i can't play the guitar to save my life) nung dumating na si eugene, nag punta na kami sa lrt(yay! makakasakay ako uli!) Nung naroon na kami sa lrt, wala lang.... gusto ko lang uli sabihin na nasa lrt kami!hahahahaha anyhoo...NAG LRT KAMI!!!!hahaha but seriously... dumaan kami ng gateway and farmer's para sumakay uli papuntang g4, grabe yung mga yun, ako pa pinapila para kumuha ng tickets.... loko yung mga yun... anyhoo again...grabe, ang tagal nung trip papuntang g4.... nagkwentuhan pa kami ni gino, tapos nakahawak ako sa srms niya kasi wala akong mahawakang poste!hahahaha ang sama ko naman... tinext na ako ni rovy kasi hinahanap na nila kami, eh ang layo pa namin... pagdating namin, sinabi sa akin ni gino na magtatago na siya sa mcdo sa may sm, ok..... whatever pre... isusurprise kasi sana niya si cheche( bago kong natutunan kay rovy!hahahahaha) so... ok .... hahahaha this is the wierd part... sabi sa aikn ni rovy, imeet daw namin sila ni che sa may jollibee(o ayan, tama na siya....) tapos, pinaikot ikot lang kami nila eugene! haay...kung hindi lang kita bes...(na hindi pa nga noon....) and then may napansin kami ni eugene na 2 girls, one of them was wearing blue, the other in green. sinabi ko kay eug na baka sila yun... pero di ako sure. First i tried na kunyaring tatabi sa kanila to look closer, pero the girl in green wlould veer away... so ang ginawa ko ay what every other normal 16 year-old named George Carlos H. Pastor would do... kung gusto nilang makipag lokohan, eh di pag bigyan natin sila! hiniram ko yung phone ni eug at tinawagan si che... ayaw sumagot... eh di nilabas ko yung phone ko at tinext ko si rovy...

g:"san na kayo? nandito na kami ni eugene sa may jollibee."
r:"nadyan lang kami sa labas..."
g:"alam ko na alam mo na narito ako sa likod mo, lumingon ka na...."
r:"ayoko eh...hahaha(smiley face)"

ayun, eh di lumapit na ako sa kanila, to prevent further humiliation...nagikot-ikot pa kami ng konti...and all i could think of was..."grabe na to... di ko na kaya... pero ano kaya iisipin nila? kailangan ko nang sabihin to kay eugene, kasi di ko kayang sabihin sa kanila..." eh di lumapit ako kay eugene.

g:"Eug..."
e:"Bakit horhe ? ikee, rovy...."
g:"Shatap... may problema ako..."
e:"Ano yun horhe? problema about love?"
g:"Istofit! di ko na kaya tong pigilin..."
e:"Sige georgy ilabas mo na."
g:"Eug.....gutom na gutom na ako!"

nyek..........

Anyhoo, sinabi ni eug to kanila che at rovy, kaya napagisipan naming tumigil muna sa spamjam(Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!! ang saya saya naman nito! hahahaha) Nung inaayos na yung order ko, biglang may sinabi sa aking si eug na sa mcdo na lang kami kakain....okie lang.... ayun. eh di pumunta kami sa mcdo dun, tapos naghanap pa kami ng upuan na kaya sigurong magseat ng lima(wow, parang walang mangyayari dito ah...) so, upo kami and oh my gosh! aymygulay! Biglang dumatin si gino with the stuff toy tiger ekek... and so nagusapusap kami dun, gino did his color psychology ekek on rovy(nakakatakot yun!) for some reason, nag timezone kami! haha, ano ba yan, i really suck sa drummania, sila gino at eugene, naka tapos, ako di man lang isang kanta! haha di bale nalang yun!haha nung nagsawa na kami dun, lalabas sana kami para magpakuha ng pics sa island photo... pero kailangan naming dumaan sa national... iniwanan ni che yung mga gamit niyang dala dun sa nbs... grabe ang raming daladala nitong babaeng ito! makikita niyo yung mga pics namin somewhere in this blog... pagkatapos nun... nag gala gala kami sa greenbelt, wala lang, tingin kami sa powerbooks and stuff hehe... tapos tumingin kami sa music1... dun ko unang napakinggan yung Home by michael buble... nag stay pa kami dun ng konti... pero kailangan ng umalis ni eugene nagpaalam muna siya na mag starbuko ng sandali... so nagpaka galante ako at binili si rovy ng mocha frappe... nag piktyur piktyur pa ng konti haha tapos, napag isipan na naming bumalik sa g4 para kunin yung pictures sa island photos... pag tingin namin, kulang pala ng dalawang prints so, napagicipan na lang naming mag pa reprint, which would take around 30 minutes daw... eh di gala uli! haha rami naming pinuntahan pero yung pinaka gusto ko dud ay yung pumasok kami ni rovy sa isang store, tapos paglabas namin, wala na sila gino at che! kaya ayun, kaming dalawa nalang ni rovy......awwwww.... nagikot ikot kami....tapos pumunta pa kami dun sa isa pang timezone na tago at naglaso kami ng air hockey... nag pa mukha akong tanga kasi nilaro ko yung isang game dun na may spadang pa ekek... tapos to remember our day dun... pinaredeem ko yung powertickets ko para makakuha kami ng dalawang basketball keychains! (yun pala purpose non....) nilibot pa namin yung buong g4, haha... pinuntahan pa nga namin yung goodwill bookstore at tiningnan namin yung mga gagamitin niyang libro for the incoming school year... mag nunursing daw siya eh...grabe dun, wlaang kataotao... ikot pa kami ng konti, tapos bigla ko na lang nilabas yung phone ko at tinanong ko siya kung ok lang na kunan ko kaming dalawa, pumayag na rin siya at last! haha ang ganda ng kuha ko... pagkatapos nun, pinagdesisyonan nna naming hanapin sila che, so tinext ko si gino sabi nila nasa isalnd photos daw sila pero nung pumunta kami dun, 30 minutes na pala since umalis sila... ay oo nga pala, pinakita ko kay rovy yung aking stopman powers nung tumatawid kami...haha. ayun nainip na talaga kami kanila gino kaya sabi ko na pagnakita ko siya gagawin ko siyang toothpick!(sorry gino...hahahaha) nung nagkita na rin kami, nag decide na kaming umuwi na kasi gabi na nga, pero before kami umalis, dumaan muna si rovy sa cdrking kasi may gusto daw siyang bilin... ayun, nag padagdag pogi points ako at nilibre ko siya ng tubig kasi if nobody noticed, SOBRANG INIT NUNG ARAW NA YUN! HAHA tapos nung ride sa lrt pauwi............hay....nakakapagod mag sulat pag gutom ka...............wala lang, nag pakitang gilas ako sa aking pagiging nakakatawa at kakayahang magmukhang tanga!hahahaha

anyhoo, ayun ang second part, sorry kung hindi maayos, tinatamad kasi ako ngayon eh... kung gusto niyo, tawagan niyo na lang ako at ikekwento ko sa inyo... mas maganda kasi pag ganun eh

ayan...tapos na ang summer...babalik na sa svhool bukas at may competition pa ako sa sabado.... haaay...... ang boring naman......

thanks nalang to the following people for a wonderful summer:

Giel
Bettina
Amy
Kuya Gemboy
Kuya Gp
Kuya Totoy(bat ko kinuya to?)
Ate Neng
Raymond
Anton
Taks
Hans
Eugene
Joanne
Rachel
Gino
sa lahat ng mga kaibigan ko
sa lahata ng mga nakilala ko
sa pamilya ko
to Coach Mike at ang ateneo judo team
Coach jr
Kuya Jess!(grabe ka talaga!)
And of course, si Rovy... without which none of this would make much sense.hahahaha pero seriously, thank you Bes, thanks for the summer we shared!

Grabe what a summer!

kita kits na lang bukas!

At last!

2005-06-02T19:31:00.000-07:00

astog! makaka sali narin ako sa first competition ko! patay ako sa mga yun!haha sa mga gustong manood, punta lang kayo sa ninoy aquino stadium on june 11

WOW SIBRANG LUPIT NA DI AKO MAKABELIEVE KASI BIHIRANG MANGYARI TO SA BUONG BUHAY KO AT AKO'Y SOBRANG NAALIW KAYA'T NAISIPAN KONG IPAHIWATIG TO SA INYO

2005-05-30T21:39:00.000-07:00

Ay may gulay! My weight is now 183 lbs.! Nagstart yung summer na 197 ako!

Blowfish pic namin ni rovy( nagpakuha kamo sa van gogh ekek machine sa storyland sa sm fairview

2005-05-30T21:33:00.000-07:00

Ang cute nung dalawa!haha

2005-05-30T21:32:00.000-07:00

Napaka cute ni Eiko!(bigay ko yan!hahahahaha

2005-05-30T21:31:00.000-07:00

First (actually second na to...) pic naming dalawa

2005-05-30T21:29:00.000-07:00

pic naming lima sa G4

2005-05-30T21:25:00.000-07:00

nasa labas ako ngayon with rovy...this is about yesterday(tsaka ko na ikekwento ang nangyayari ngayon...hehehe)

2005-05-25T00:59:00.000-07:00

Hello! musta na! Sa lahat ng nag greet sakin ng happy birthday, Thank you po sa inyo!!! Sa mga hindi pa, batiin niyo na ako bago ko kayo puntahan sa mga bahay bahay niyo... joke lang!(yeah right... catch'em and kill'em...MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA) Aaaaaaaaanyway, narito ako ngayon sa compass internet sa may sm fairview... i still have 30 minutes left so most likely di ko matatapos to agad... might as well start na...

well first of all, yesterday was my birthday... nung umiwi na ako from gimik with the guys and gals from myf...di ko na ikekwento, baka kung anong mangyari..haha Anyway, tinext ko si rovy around 6 or 7 ata... tapos she replied... she told me na wag akong tatawag at wag kong tanungin kung bakit...well initial reaction ko is damn... ano kaya nangyari... it got me really worried... pagdating sa bahay, napansin ko na lang na nagreply uli si rovy... imiss call ko daw siya pag nakauwi ko.. eh di nag miss call ako agad...

"Happy Birthday to you...."

pare, that sounded so sweet... nagusap kami ng konti... then i had to get off the phone kasi kakantahan na ako...ahhh... oo nga pala... astig yung bigay sa akin gift ni rovy...talagang personallly made for me...astig...muntikan na akong maiyak...haha Thanks Rovy...Astig ka talaga

Ano nakaya ibigsabihin nito? Dundundudundundun

2005-05-23T22:33:00.000-07:00

The Summer Camp was Not boring as i had earlier thought it would be... if you read the entry before this, you'll know why... this is gonna be a short post kasi, i don't want to say too much right now...(hiya pa ako eh...hehe)

Last friday morning, nagising ako ng mga 6 which was way too early kasi we had our Open Night until 3... i was the only one awake ata sa barracks... napansin ko na lang na may signal pala ako ngayon...Hmmm... sino kaya itetext ko pag may ganitong pagkakataon at ngayong oras?.....Hmmm... sino pa edi yung parents ko(Niyahahahahahahahaha, kala niyo kung sino no? mga ugok! haha) PAGKATAPOS ko silang itext, i sent rovy a message about the previous night... eh since di pa naman siya nagrereply... at tulog pa naman yung mga tao...(at maasim na yung kilekile ko kasi di ako nakaligo nung open night...) pumunta ako sa Boro 6, which was the staffer's cottage. Since marshall ako, i had to sleep with the delegates... no problem naman. The only biggie was that to go to boro, i had to take a 5 minute walk from the barracks to get there... Tapos paakyat pa yung way to boro! di pa ako nakatulog ng matagal! try niyo yun... ang saya...well not really... Nakakatawa akong tignan as i was swaying from side to side on the way there. tapos, muntikan pa akong mahulog sa steep stairway dun! When i did get there.. tulog pa yung mga tao! when someone finally opened the door at nakapasok na ako sa bathroom, nakita ko na naiwanan ko yung shampoo ko sa barracks! tapos Walang tubig yung toilet! Ang saya ng umaga ko talaga! haha! Pero when i finally got to the barracks, napansin ko na nagreply pala si rovy... I made her cry daw again...(tears of happiness ha! baka kawawain niyo po ako!) Nakakapagpagising yun sa puso talaga... sarap pa ng breakfast!(ang labo!) Ang saya ko talaga nung friday... I told her na i would call her at around 9 kasi i wanted to talk to her... She replied na pupunta daw siya sa ospital nun... akala kasi niya 9 in the morning! so yun... When i got home, tumawag ako kay rovy kasi wala lang, i miss hearing her voice... nagusap kami...umiyak ako...hahaha... we talked for like 2 hours ata... pinagalitan na ako nun haha! Tulog na lang ako after kasi di ko mahanap kung saan pinapalabas yung Backlash...

Saturday morning wasn't that eventful... although i did try to catch up on what happened while i was at sc. I started the first part of my prevoius post, pero tinawag ako ng mom ko agad... nung afternoon, tinetext ko si rovy at si che kasi i was bored.....really bored. Nung nag stop kami sa isang mall sa laguna, kumain kami sa pizza hut. Nagkausapusap kami dun about some stuff. Biglang si kuya gem nagyaya na tumingin tingin kami sa loob at mag cr, so sumama na ako. Bigla kaming nagusap about... and kung pano ko hinahandle yun... (hala rovy, hahanapin ka ng mga pinsan ko sa feu! dean pa naman yung tita ko dun! hahahaha) Nung nakabalik na kami, napansin namin na kinakausap ni kuya GP si toy tungkol sa nangyayari sa kanila and charisse...and alec. Parang inaadvise lang nung mga nakakatanda(di naman kami ganun ka gurang ah! and besides mas matanda pa si totoy sa akin!) si totoy at minumulat namin sa mga mata niya kung ano yung mga nangyayari... pag kadating namin sa resort, tinext ko uli si rovy at nangangamusta kung nasaan na siya...yikeee!haha Nag swimming kami ng sandali then we stopped for dinner... Aba oo nga pala, sa mga nanonood ng survivor at na miss yung last saturday, si tom ang nanalo! anyway... nung nag night swimming na kami, ang natira na lang ay ako, sila kuya gp at diko gem at si ate neneng. Pinaguusapan nila yung mga nangyayari sa myf kasi naging presidente nun si diko gem. inaadvisan naman siya si kuya gp. si ate neng rin... Ako? Nagsestretching ako sa pool para mawala yung sakit ko sa tiyan! haha and mostly nakikinig lang ako kasi di ko alam yung karamihan na nangyayari sa myf eh... then we talked about blah blah blah... tapos tinawag na kami ng mom ko kasi 11 na pala! haha tinext ko si rovy ng good night at mag totongits kaming magpipinsan(ang labo!) Then all of a sudden, she replies and tells me na... ayokong sabihin! kinikilig ako eh! haha basta you guys will know when the smoke clears!haha Then i text her na how did she come to those conclusions( i wasn't opposing or anything... i just really wanted to know...) then i tell her the unthinkable... i told here that i ___ her!!! yikee... Then she replies na ano ba daw yung pinagsasabi ko? She was just expressing her feelings....(Plane of George's Wildest Dreams just got shot down...aruy) so I apologize(BAKIT ko kailangang mag apologize!!!!?ARRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!) to her, because i was jumping to conclusions na... ganun...very awkward moment... so tinulugan ko na lang yung nangyari... she replies pala in the middle of the night and called twice(D'oh!) In the morning, i texted her about the things i said the previous night... and i confessed everything... that i did love her(Ang hirap sabihin kasi love is a really big deal!) and that ang tagal ko ng gustong sabihin sa kanya, but one way or another, pinipigil ako ni kuya jess until the right time... I had to experience His presence pa, at sinabi ko sa kanya, "Mahal na mahal kita sa Panginoon..." Because it is true... For every relationship to be successful, it must pass through and coincide with God! That was the longest 1 hour 42 minutes of my life(which really is pretty long...but that's not the point) When she replied, sinabi niya na swerte daw siya about meeting me, of how proud she was of me...she called me an angel and a blessing.... Grabe, this girl is really special to me na!

okie, on the way home tinext ko si manang che na kamusta na siya. said she was with igno and a friend. i asked her if rovy told her anything and stuff... Big mistake... when i got home, gino called me and asked me to give him a straight answer...

"Nililigawan mo ba si Rovy?"

And my answer was as clear as i could give...

"Alam mo pre, di ko talaga alam..."

Because seriously, i didn't know... After which, kwinento ko sa kanya yung mga nangyari sa camp... umiyak nanaman ako... and i told him the whole bit... i think i even told him some parts that rovy didn't know (or masyado pa akong sabog to remember if i DID tell her) we talked for a long time... then i called rovy... i dared not say anything about the what happened during the weekend...(i have other plans for that). then i watched a bit of wrestling, at nag good night ako kay rovy... she replied asking me about the "mahal kita sa panginoon part" eh di sinabi ko. She said that she was going to be sleeping late beacuse of something she had to do. Me? Pagud na pagod na talaga ako, and i never had a full night's sleep in days... (so, sorry if you think na i blew you off last night)

Pagkagising ko, tinext ko uli si rovy with another of ny personalized and custom made quotes!haha Then nag reply siya... turns out na today is a full month since me and rovy met sa SHS batch party... (I didn't forget! naunahanmo lang ako!hahaha)

so, eto, turns out the entry isn't so short after all.... i promise i'll continue the g4 thingy some other tym... ok, bye na!

MAHAL NA MAHAL KO KAYO SA PANGINOON!!!!

Boys don't cry.....because only real men can

2005-05-23T14:21:00.000-07:00

Plano ko talaga ay ituloy ko yung story about the fateful day at G4, pero the summer camp left an important imprint in me. I'll continue the gala story soon, but this is something that can't wait... Hope the 2 girls whose names start with R can wait a little(langhiya ang tagal na!) bit longer...(wag niyo na kong kulitin sa chatterbox ko!haha)

So, to start, di ko talaga planong sumama sa summer camp kasi sa akin, it was a waste of time and money(900 bucks for 5 days!). I already tried it once, back when i was 12, but i didn't like it. I made up lots of excuses not to go again, claiming that sep was more important...blah blah blah. kaya lang ako siguro sumama ngayon ay kasi sabi ng pinsan ko na gagawin niya akong staff (which means na i don't have to attend all of the activities.....and minsan mas masarap ang pagkain!). Di ko naman planong mag sep this may, so sige, sama na ako. The camp was just after DAYS so medyo dedz pa ako sa pagod.haha On the upside naman, one reason was nakilala ko nga si rovy, and there's some stuff that's going through my head that i needed answers for, answers that i didn't get from days( di dahil wa epek yung days, kundi dahil di ko pa ata sineryoso yung 210)... ikekwento ko na nga yung ibang nangyari, pero yung mga importante lang to keep this entry as short as possible(if you want to know the complete story, call me...)

In total, 3 beses akong umiyak sa SC, each for a different reason...

The first instance was nung Evangelistic night, i think...(sabog pa ako ngayon sa pagod....) The activity started with the usual na really upbeat na praise songs, which means everybody's jumping sa may middle ng session hall. I always liked this part of the worship kasi ang sarap talagang tumalon...haha nagkakahiyaan nga lang nung una... pero then came the solemn songs. Napaisip nga ako na, "Hala, boring na to... corny na... this is all pointless kasi everybody will eventually return sa lumang sarili na makasalanin...basically, WHAT'S THE POINT?" Habang kumakanta ako, without me actually meaning anything, biglang sinabi ni kuya Bri na itaas daw namin yung mga kamay namin. I have this problem kasi na i'm too self-concious....(W8, tinatawag na ako ng mom ko....i'll finish this sa monday na siguro. At last, I'm finally back...something came up last saturday... i'll make a new post after this...) Hiyang hiya akong mag express ng nararamdaman ko when i'm around people... parang may pumupulupot sa leeg ko each time the opportunity arises... But then again, this is summer camp... Nobody would laugh at me if I raise my hands... I just have to overcome the hurdles of self-doubt, shyness, and fear...

And then i release it all...

The fear vanishes as i raise my hands, slowly at first, and as i continue to sing, i notice and realize that nobody's laughing at me... nobody thinks i'm an idiot... And then i start to cry... I cry because of how long i have kept to myself my problems and doubts. I thought i was so strong... but i was only as strong as much as i can show how human i was... the feeling will overwhelm you, it will fill you up. SIKSIK, LIGLIG AT UMAAPAW! Kuya Bri asks us to find a prayer partner, anyone we could find... Nahanap ko si Mark, isang kachurch sa Bayan. He prays for me, for my life, for my problems and for my salvation...thank you mark... And i continue to cry... the tears felt good...Yes, the tears wash away the old me, not fully, but it was a start...

The second time was the most dramatic of the three, because in here, i tell all of my problems... It was a another prayer night... and a pastor talked about having a close friend who encouraged him to share all that troubled him. They would meet regularly, and he had to share EVERYTHING, even to the ones he would not dare say out loud. He could trust him of course... And this helped him overcome a lot of his problem. He then turned to us and told us to find a partner, not just any partner, but an accountability partner. That person, we could entrust our problems and sorrows, and he would be accountable for me. I looked around, and to my surprise... i found Kuya Gemboy. Pareho kaming "problem" children if you might say it, pero he had it tougher for him... He asks me to share first. I tell him about Rovy... of how much she means to me... of how much i care for her... and how much i want to be with her. sabi sa akin ni kuya na astig nga na christian rin sha... na tama nga ang ginagawa ko na intay lang muna... kwinento pa nga niya sa akin yung mga naging experience niya... and about his current girlfriend...na katoliko. Ang ganda dw ng nangyari sa akin.. pero i don't know kung ready ako. Sabi niya, wag daw akong magalala kasi nariyan naman si God, and he'll take care of all of my problems...

then the truth slips out....

Bigla na lang akong napatingin kay kuya gem, at sinabi ko yung di ko pa sinasabi sa iba...(no I'm not gay...) I have this problem, much more serious than the ones before... I have an inferiority problem. This came about when i repeated first year... hirap na hirap ako sa ateneo, pero si totoy, nag honors sa la salle. Di naman ako ganito dati eh, i used to be smart, i used to be better than him... everyone started to focus on him...ako? Natabunan na lang ako... I HATE BEING LEFT OUT! di bale na yung matalino siya... i just had to find a way na ipakita na kaya ko ring magexcel... I tried a lot of stuff, but none worked... then in second year, i tried judo... Here, i could excel... here, i could rise ip, here i could beat totoy... i became team captain... Ang saya! but then he graduated... and i was left in high school. Alam niyo ba kung gano kahirap na mapanood ang isang ka age mo, ka batch mo pa nga dati, na maiwanan ka, dahil sa katangahan mo? Ako oo... yung accomplishments ko, kung ikukumapara mo sa kanila, walang kabuluhan... walang kalabanlaban... ANO AKO KUMPARA SA KANYA?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Sinabi bigla ni kuya gem..." Alam mo ba na sa ating magpipinsan, ikaw ang pinaka mapagmahal? Dun pa lang, talongtalo mo na si totoy..." Then nireassure niya ako sa mga problema ko, i don't have to beat kuya toy... i don't have to be prove na magaling ako... kasi, ipakita ko lang ang puso ko... I outshine everybody...

Then, nag hug kami, tapos, umiiyak kami... ang sarap umiyak... sobrang sarap iiyak ang problema... kasi dun, pinapakita mo na tao ka rin... kailangan mo pa rin ng gagabay sayo... Nag kneel down ako at nag pray... I pressed my forehead to the ground and cried... just cried and prayed... Then with outstretched arms... i sang to Him... I let the tears wash away another part of me... just a little more...

The last instance at summer camp na umiyak ako was the happiest one... parang nung katulad nung umiyak ako after the second day sa Days. It was thursday night, last night na... We were having a BGF or big group fellowship... There was this song... i couldn't remember which one... pero a line came up... I felt that it was trying to tell me something... something important...

"Thank you po, Kuya Jess..."

napa tingala ako, and i cried with tears of joy... umiyak ako kasi, nasiyahan ako sa lahat ng ginawa ni kuya Jess para sa akin this summer... Nagpasalamat ako sa mga nangyari, sa mga naramdaman ko, sa pagkaligtas niya sa akin from myself... and for Rovy. Astig ka talaga... Isinisigaw ko ng pakanta yung song sa lalim ng nararamdaman ko... Ako lang ata yung umiiyak nun... pero i didn't care... This summer camp was special for me... and nobody can take it away from me...

So, the following morning, i texted rovy about yung mga nanyari the previous night... nag reply siya after i took a bath... napaiyak ko daw siya uli... Ang swerte ko talaga sa kanya... Thank you Kuya Jess... The best ka!

So, there you have it... i cried again... and i'll keep on crying kasi nobody can tell me how i should feel...

Summer Camp '05: "not YOUR ORDINARY SUMMER CAMP"

Theme Song(i forgot the title, gawa lang to ni kuya everette)

I thank You for Your love

coz it brings me back to You.

I thank You for Your love

coz it draws me close to You.

I thank You for Your love

coz it leads me to praise You.

I thank You for Your love

coz it makes me sing to You.

Chorus:

Let Your love surround me

and light my way...

Let it shine through me

throughout the day.

Let Your love surround me

and light my way...

Let it shine through me

night and day.

kailangan ko nang i-post to! (tutuloy ko na lang!)

2005-05-10T20:36:00.000-07:00

Ano ba yan, ngayon pa lang ako makakapagsulat about what happened last monday, tapos siguro di ko pa to matatapos agad... Anyhoo, masimulan na rin nga!

It all started nung Friday, nung lumabas kami ni gino(hindi "date", na sinasabi ni gino...). Mga 4 na ata nun, umupo kami sa may food court at nagusap-usap, nangloloko kay rovy(hehe...)...Then gino told me na meron daw gimik sa monday involving lahat ng members ng band...(well, kung sino man ang interested pa ring sumama...). Kaya tuloy, hindi kami nanood ng sine...okie lang. Aymaygulay, 200 lang ata nagastos ko nung friday!haha cheap ko talaga nun....

So...who comes to mind pag may gimik ang banda?... Who do i want to go with me?... Sino gusto kong malibre?...Who do i want to explore g4 with?...(Hmmmm... sino kaya?)

The following day, may swimming yung Inside-Out at yung MYF sa may Sunrock resort sa may Antipolo, so sumama ako. Tinext ko siya nung umaga(i think....) nangangamusta lang...hehe I won't go into too much detail sa swimming except na na Angle Slam ko si Rv at nabuhat ko yung mga pinsan ko( sila kuya Gp at kuya Gemboy....ang bibigat nung mga yun!)... Around 3 ata(di ko matandaan, sunog sunog na kasi katawaan ko and it hurts like hell...), tinext ko si rovy about the gimik pero di siya nag reply. Shet...kinakabahan na ako nun... what if she doesnt get my message?hala..... After the swimming, nag makaawa ako sa mom ko na hindi ako aattend ng practice sa choir kasi ang sakit ng likod ko. buti na lang pinayagan ako, pinagalitan nga lang ng konti, pero ang bait talaga ng mom ko! So, first tinawagan ko si gino para matanong kung ano na nangyari... Naka chat daw niya si rovy at amy kwinento siyang plano na hindi maintindihan ni rovy(who can?haha)... Next, tinawagan ko si Rovy to confirm the gala....(fhgsdhfghsdghfghsdgfhgshdate na to!fgsefuuefusfuuehf) She said na magpapaalam pa siya sa parents niya, so sabi ko ok, sana payagan...then with a good nyt, nag goodbye ako sa kanya...

The following day(nanaman), pagkauwi ko sa bahay from church...kumanta pa rin ako nun (grabe, naka robe ka, walang electric fan para di liparin yung piece, at nakabukas pa yung spotlight...tumutulo na yung pawis ko!) bigla akong naka recieve ng text message, pag tingin ko, si rovy pala yun...sabi niya...........PINAYAGAN DAW SIYA!!!!!!!...naiimagine ko lang yung Haleluiah chorus playing in the back of my head. Asitg!!!!! Ipon na...wait...bukas na! kailangan kong magpull ng contacts!

Eto na!(at last), Monday na! Atat na atat na akong maka gala! Ang ganda ng araw... may konti lang pinagawa sa akin yung mom ko, sinamahan ko siya nung morning para pumunta sa isang client, pero we we're back by 8. No problem... And then she asked me to go the bank... napatingin ako sa relo, 9.30 napaisip ako na ok lang naman... no problem. It was almost ten sa office ng mom ko nung nakaalis na kami papuntang banko. Pagdating namin sa parking area, ANG RAMING KOTSE!!!! Pagpasok namin yung binigay sa aking number ay 56... and then i read..."Now serving: 33" PUCHA!!!! breathe in, breathe out... around 10:15, according sa clock sa bank, nasa may 42-43 palang kami...then i heard one of my favorite songs..."What a Wonderful World" by L. Armstrong, napaisip ako, " Kuya Jess, ginagago mo ba ako? Di kasi wonderful ngayon eh"... around 10:30, nasa 49 palang ata, nainip na ako, tumawag ako sa bahay at sinabi ko sa mom ko na kailangan nasa Ateneo na ako ng 11:30. Sabi niya sa akin na ok lang, umuwi na ako, si ate janice na daw ang bahala. Problema nga lang, yung driver namin sinundo yung dad ko...Bad 3p... Mga 10:45 na nung nasundo ako. Kasama yung dad ko, and....binigyan niya ako ng money!!!!! haha astig!!! so, nagmamadali akog umuwi kasi nakita ko na baka ma late na ako...then, bigla na lang pagtingin ko sa celll ko....10:30 pa lang!!!!!! Bwiset na banko yan, mali ang time sa relo! kinabahan pa tuloy ako ng todo!... So, anyhoo, pag uwi ko, nagmadali akong maligo kasi napansin ko, nangangasim na ata ako.haha ...

i'll just continue this blog another time.....stay tuned

"Date" kami ni gino(siya lang nagsasabi na nag date kami. ako sinasabi ko na lumabas kami. Dito na umiiral ang pagkabading ni gino..hahaha joke lang!)

2005-05-10T00:21:00.000-07:00

Tagal ko na palang hindi nag popost sa blog no? haha, siguro kasi wala ako palaging time mag sulat, ang rami ko pa namang gustong sabihin... Anyhoo, magsimula nalang ako sa nangyari nung friday....

Well, sinabi sakin ni gino nung thursday na gagala daw sila che at ang mga friends niya sa g4. Ininvite siya, pero ang problema nga lang daw ay siya lang yung nagiisang lalake. So, nagsama na siya ng backup, ako. Sige fine, sasama na ako. haha. Ininvite ko si rovy, pero di daw siya pwede, and besides, di daw niya kilala yung mga classmates ni che(first time kong nalaman na hindi pala mag kaklase sila che at rovy...) fine, fine, di nanaman tayo magkikita... anyhoo, nung friday na, pumunta ako sa bahay ni gino for the gimik. Biglang sinabi sa akin na may malaking problema daw!!!!! Dundundun.... Ayun pala yung friends ni che, nag decide mag eastwood.(don't like that place too much...well siguro kasi 1 beses palang ako nakakapunta and it was prom pa) Tinanong ni gino si che kung sasama pa siya, pero hindi na daw tutuloy. So, anong gagawin ng 2 lalake na may libreng afternoon with filled wallets and no girls?....INUMAN NA!!!!!! But since i'm anything but normal...(gino's definitely not normal...love high pa ata) tumuloy kami sa aming lakad. Kasama namin yung mom niya kasi gagala rin daw. pagdating namin sa gateway, na fullblast ako ng color white! Turns out, Gateway was a mall na pangbabae! For every unisex store na naroon, may 3 stores just for women! Di bale, basta may Timezone at jolibee, solve na ang lahat ng problema....AYMYGULAY! WALANG JOLIBEE SA GATEWAY! ANONG KLASENG MALL ANG WALANG JOLIBEE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! DI TAMA YUN! huhuhuhuhu. Breathe in, breathe out... May BK naman so ok lang siguro...hay...Nag gaguhan kami ni gino sa g8way, "date daw kami" (dito pumapasok ang paghihinala ko na bading si gino. joke lang! hahahahahaha......right....joke lang yun....sure...back to the post) nainip kami sa g8way kasi wala dun yung gusto kong book... so pumunta kami ng farmers! Grabe ang init dun! para kang mapapamura sa tindi init! Ay, oo nga pala may nakita kami na mug dun na 13 pesos lang! hahaha tapos nag videoke pa kami! And through this rite of passage, na promote ako to maracASSIST ng band(which means i get to sing as backup din, but with the maracas...nakakasawa kasi na puro maracas lang ang ginagawa no?) Ginagago ko pa rin si gino.... Pumunta naman kami sa national.....wala pa rin......bwiset. Balik kami ni gino sa gateway para...wala lang. so pumunta kami ng shopwise! ang rami naming ginawa dun na walang kabuluhan...nagdala ako ng cart sa loob tapos iniwan ko sa may toy dept. may pictures nun sa blog ni gino. any way, balik na kami sa g8way(nanaman?) on the way, kwinento ko kung pano naging rabid si tigger at pinatay yung kanyang friends.....(ayokong ikwento, may excalibur kasi si eeyore sa pwet eh). anyhoo, uwi na kami kasama yung mom niya at nagintay sa lrt....Pinarangalan namin si gino about love and stuff...kahit wala naman akong masyadong alam dun... anyhoo....this is the end of the first part of the mini-series, "Mga pinaggagawa

Lumang tugtugin na yan....

2005-05-02T22:11:00.000-07:00

Haaaay, ano kaya mga pwede kong sabihin? Uh, siguro yung mga nangyari sa buhay ko this past week...Well, basically nakikipagchat lang ako kay Rovy nung buong weekend and most of the week. Ah, oo nga pala, Rovy is my new friend from Diliman Preparatory School(di ko alam exactly kung saan yun....) Nagkakakilala kami sa first official gig ng pineapple sting, kasi sinusuportahan niya yung friend niyang si rach na kasama sa band namin. Nakakahiya nga nung una kaming nagkita kasi ako yung tipong mahiyain pag may kasamang babae for the first time... Anyway, enough about me, let's talk about her! Grabe ang bait niya, napaka supportive niya sa band namin!haha, tapos ang bait pa niya sa akin, and aminin ko na, she's kinda cute....ikeee Seryoso nga, may way siya na she'll make you feel special(di yung retarded ha) pero she makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside...hahaha Anyway, more on her soon! bye na!

NYAHOOOOOOOOO...........uh.....wag na lang

2005-04-25T22:33:00.000-07:00

Well, hello mga pests! Narito nanaman ako with the latest happeninsh nung weekend. I'll make it a point na to write at least twice a week. Nakakarelax kasi magsulat, nawawala tuloy yung lahat ng pent up anger ko over the week haha(tawa ng tawa pa diyan....) Anyhoo, eto na... eto na... ang ASTRO (tununun)......... WEHHHHHH!

First up ay yung FIRST OFFICIAL GIG ng Pineapple Sting sa SHS batch party. Ang...saya...pero nakakahiya nga lang. Ang role ko dun ay maracASS lang, so why nga ba na dapat akong mahiya? Kasi that's my point! Of all the Band members there, ako yung pinaka pointless ata yung ginagawa...haha(di siya nakakatawa) Anyhoo, It wasn't all bad, hehe I did get to meet up with a couple of rachel's friends(si rachel yung backup singer ng group), and one of them seemed really cute...shhh, quiet lang(more on that soon,,,,). BIG problema nga lang nung gig ay yung starting time na sinabi daw ay 6, which became 7, which then became 8. Nag start na siya ng close to 9 so ang tagal naming nagintay para sa mga babaeng yon(SHS is an all girl's school...hmmm) Hawaiian yung theme so yung mga babae ay mga naka beach wear!!!!(enter Haleluiah Chorus)

Yesterday nga pala was fun... Nag hahandle kami sa church ng pre-reg for summer camp yesterday, narun yung ilang mga staff, when all of a sudden sabi nung pinsan ko, "Uy mag bumpcars tayo..." akala ko naang loloko lang, so sabi namin sige ba. biglaan na lang umoo yung ibang mga staff rin. haha Si dave naman umokay pero hahatid lang daw niya yung mom niya pauwi. So nagintay kami... bigla ba namang sumama rin sila aldrin at yung iba pa sa inside out! tapos, dumating pa si jordel, so sama rin yan. 15 ata kami na pumunta sa bahay nila toy tapos nagintay kaming mailabas yung sasakyan. Yung KC na yung dinala namin kasi di kami magkakasya sa starex hehe. Puro mga nakapangbahay lang kami nung papunta kami sa Sta. Lucia(para malapit lang) habang nagpapasahan ng isang litro ng sprite....nuyahahahahahaha! Nagpark kami sa may 4th floor para malapit lang... Ang gugulo namin!!! Ang rami pa ata namaing pinuntahang iba kasi si ate neng may gusto atang bilin. Nung at last nakapunta na kami sa Worlds Of Fun, bili kami agad ng tickets para sa bumpcars. problema nga lang, 10 lang ata yung mga cars kaya na pilitan kaming mag pares. ok lang naman, kasama ko si paolo. Langhiya ang ingay namin sa linya! haha. sa sobrand dami namin, nagpauna pa kami ng ibang tao para lang magkakasama kami.Hiniram ni paolo yung phone ko habang nagmamaneho ako nakakuha ata siya ng 6 na video clips bago kami natapos. Kung nakit aniyo lang kami nun, nakatingin yung mga tao sa amin, siguro mga nagtataka na baka may fieldtrip yung mental hospital or something. Sobrang saya for only 10 pesos, haha. Nung natapos na kami don, mga 7:30 na ata, eh may kanta pa kami sa patay.(choir ako, bass 2. nyek!) Di bale na, wala na akong magagawa dun. Pumila naman kami para sa Horror Train(or Tunnel, nakalimutan ko na...) , na nasiraan ata ng dalawang beses bago pa kami nakasakay... Nung second time, sobrang lapit na namin, pero sinabi daw matatagalan ng konti, so bumili muna kami ni ate ruth ng ice cream sa labas. Sa mga nakakakilala sa akin, dalawang flavors lang ang malapit sa puso ko, vanilla and bubblegum. Since feeling cheap ako nung araw na yun, pumunta na lang kami sa pinakamalapit na Snowpy. Dyahe nga lang walang vanilla, and obviusly walang bubblegum dun. Bigla na lang nung paglingon ko, may Mini-melts!. Dito umiiral ang pagiging gayagaya ng pinoy, kasi ito yung sagot natin sa Dippin Dot's ng states. Same flavor, pero di kasing mahal! At biruin mo naman, may bubblegum at vanilla! Pagkatapos naming bumili, nagmadali na kami ni ate sa linya. Putcha,di pa rin tapos! So, enjoy muna, picture-picture sa kiddi rides. Nasita pa sila Aldrin ng attendant kasi may gustong gumamit na bata, pero nakasakay sila. Nung nakasakay na kami(at last!) ang sikip pala dun sa train! tapos magkatabi pa kami ni ate ruth sa likod, kasami namin sila aldrin, paolo, kenneth at rv. Di pa nagsisimula yung ride, naghihiyawan na kami, kaya nagtitinginan nanaman yung mga tao sa pila sa amin. Pag pasok namin sa tunnel, kun anoano yung mga design at props sa loob. Wala namang masyadong nakakatakot.....tapos biglang may humawak sa braso ko. Putangina, muntikan na akong maihi non sa takot wala! Sinigawan ko yung nakamaskara, then bigla na lang tumingin si ate ruth sa akin, kala daw niya nagbibiro lang ako, pero putcha, nagulat talaga ako! Ang malabo nga lang dun sa ride ay 3 beses kayo iikot. Nung una, nakakatakot talaga, Nung pangalawa, nakakagulat, pero nung huli...parang di na nakakaganang matakot pa... Just for fun, naghihiyaw pa kami sa labas, hehe. Sabi ni ate neng, uwian na daw, so bili muna kami ng pre-dinner snack. Bumili ako nung biggie na nachos sa nacho king with cheese and mushrooms(sarap ng mushrooms talaga....) 1/4 lang ata nakain ko kasi ang raming humingi! Nung pababa na kami from the 4th level parking, naghihiyawan pa rin kami!hehe...... good fun, although it's kinda stupid, but good fun nonetheless. Total na nagastos: 180 bucks lang! Now that's cheap!!!

Anyhoo nga pala, Happy Birthday sa pinsan kong si George Vincent Habacon, who turned 17 today! 29 days to go, ako naman!!!

Anyhooo.....

2005-04-22T18:12:00.000-07:00

uh, tagal ko na palang walang sinusulat...hehehe So eto ako ngayon, before i go to the practice, makasingit ng post.

a lot has happened lately, good and bad. Got me a new friend, haha, name niya ay amy. Actually, dati ko pa siya kilala, pero hanggang acquanittance lang(tama kaya spelling?). hehe She's nice to "talk" to naman and we have some things in common. Yun nga lang DLSU fan siya at ako die-hard Blue Eagle, pero that doesn't mean much.haha. Sporty siya, as in sporty! varsity ata siya ng miriam or something,hehe. She like korean movies at tsaka yung Fullhouse na show(ano kaya nakikita nila don, besides sa pagiging cute ni jessie?) Todo ang chat namin hehe. Sinendan ko pa nga siya ng load para lang makapag reply siya eh! haha. Anyhoo, kailangan ko ng umalis, kinukulit na kasi ako ni sobs na pumunta ng practice eh. Bye na!!!!

Freaky.......(lumang CR sa Blue Eagle Gym)

2005-04-15T23:41:00.000-07:00

Nakikita niyo ba yung muka?

Akala ko pa naman...

2005-04-10T00:38:00.000-07:00

elo! eto nanaman ako, nagtatanong pa rin... Akala ko, i really liked giel, but now i realized na hindi na pala in the same way as before. It was probably just a crush fueled by infatuation, but with just enough genuine affection to make me really think about it. Dati pa akong nagdududa sa feelings ko, pero i kept pushing them away kasi i wanted the feeling to remain. I had become obsessed... haha. Pero now, i'm back into my self-searching, only with less self-angst(di ko na kailangan yon, di naman pala nakakatulong). I decided to once again ask myself, "Ano ba talaga gusto ko with my future?", meaning what do i really want in my love life? Right now, I have concluded na: 1.Yes, i really do like Giel, but not yet as anything closer than a friend. 2. Yes, i do want someone to give the immense love i have kept for all these years(nabigyan ko na yung iba). 3. No, i am not yet ready for a serious commitment but, 4. I do want to develop a better friendship with her, kasi so far i haven't been a good friend to her. So, in closing this entry, gusto ko munang sabihin na "I actually do love you Giel, but only as a friend. And I want to love you as i love all of my friends. Na realize ko lang yun ngayon. hehe.

"Know thyself"-Socrates

don't know why i wrote this...

2005-04-09T23:43:00.000-07:00

a little something someting....

All I see is you,

staring at me.

With your loving gaze,

my bound heart flies free.

All I see is you,

I shed this heart of ice...

Deep inside i know,

You made me think twice....

sabog pa ako ngayon

lalalalalalalala(sabog pa ako)

2005-04-08T21:40:00.000-07:00

Ayan may links na ko(babaw no?) thanks nga pala kay eugglords sa help sa blog!!!

I love watching sci-fi films (ingat kayo, malabo to. But read it anyway)

2005-04-05T13:50:00.000-07:00

ang sayang mapanood uli yung "Equillibrium", nakakaalow kasi yung mga movies that pose the question "what if......?". "What if you could prevent the development of human emotion?"."What if you could take away emotional pain?". "What if the world was made safer by taking away the very essence of our humanity?". "What if by giving up freedom, you could be more free?". What if...

But what if because of this, you see that the world remains the same, the same conflicts, only different faces. The same radicalism, but for a different cause. The same longing for freedom... but the same opression. It made me think about the world in the earlier part of the century, when Afghanistan was still under Taliban rule, Iraq was still controlled by Saddam Hussein, etc, etc... This was the same story as was that of Equillibrium....

But alas, that's not what i wanted to talk about........labo no?
I want to write about love, like so many people out there who think they know so much about the subject of genuine affection for the other sex.....

Aaminin ko na, i don't know a lot about this subject, but for the past 16 years, I was pretty sure I did. I honestly thought I knew the difference between love and infatuation. Siguro nga, after 10 or so years, you begin to learn a lot more about yourself. Problema nga lang, i'm still in the dark about me. I'm still not sure about what i really want in life, i still don't know how i define love, i still showed signs of unease about myself. I sometimes even think my friends know more about me than i do! And believe me, it didn't get easier nung pumunta ako sa Ateneo. The students there will eat you alive, they will dissect you and will consider you worthless if your different from them! Kaya nga nakaka bad trip yung first year ko sa Ateneo(alam niyo na nangyari). Ever since, i built myself an invisible wall to keep me from getting hurt ever again. i didn't go to class outings, i spent as much time away from my classmates as possible , and i rarely participated in class. Ganun ka gago(note: "GAGO" in this sentence means "TANGINA NIYO LAHAT SANA MAMATAY NA KAYO AT ANG MGA MINAMAHAL NIYO SA BUHAY KASI DI KAYO KARAPAT DAPAT PANG MANATILI SA MUNDO!", gets? ok) yung mga kaklase ko, except for a few people.

Anyway, oras na para kalimutan yon...

The prom taught me a lot of things, if i may recall: 1. NEVER expect for everything to go smoothly, because if history has proven anything, it is that even the most well laid out plans will have clink, a miscalculation that will have a tremendously adverse effest on what you want for the outcome to be. 2. Never leave a place where your having a good time just to go to a place where you THINK you'll have a better time. Ok, i admit that the prom wasn't that great to begin with, but at least i should have waited long enough for the slow dance.(Giel really wanted to dance, Do'h!) 3. Always come prepared. I forgot to bring a gift, for goodness sake. Para tuloy akong ewan na mang mang sa prom(which i was). And don't forget a jacket. Ayaw mo namang ginawin yung prom date mo pag lumabas kayo. That's it, and i somehow managed to break all those rules. Obviuosly, Giel wasn't impressed. Isa nanamang suntok sa tiyan...

After the unFORGETTABLE prom experience, para atang na doble yung layer nung protective wall ko, beacuse let's face it, that was full of shit. I really liked Giel, but i kept thinking i was of no use. So for a couple of weeks, i beat myself up emotionally(i get my physical beatdown from practice, so there's no more sense in adding to that). I thought of every possible thing that I hated about myself and beat myself senseless on it. There's no need to go into too much detail. One day pa nga, i really cried( i have a tendency to cry when i'm really depressed) because i had a feeling that i was of no use to this world. It really hurts... parang sakit na mahirap ipaliwanag.
Then one day I got fed up, as in i really got fed up and sick and tired about beating myself up. I started changing myself. I started better sleeping habits. This wouldn't be possible without the help of Kuya Jess. Ang galing niya. There's this few instances na he would "intervene" like when on a saturday night(for all of you who don't know it's porn night on wowow), sumabog yung transformer ng tv namin sa labas, where i usually watch until 3 in the morning. The monday after that, sumabog yung tv namin because sinaksak ko sa 220(ok, fine, ako yung tanga dun) and i saw this wierd smelling smoke coming out of the tv. Thanks Kuya Jess! There's even this dream i got, which i won't tell because this is something way too personal, that showed me what the fruits of my labor would look like. Deep inside, I knew that this would help me be a better person. And yet, i still had this one last problem...

I told myself that i never wanted to be hurt ever again. So, the wall remained. i hardened it by reading books like Josh Harris' "I Kissed Dating Goodbye". This book wasn't supposed to serve that purpose. In fact, it told me to pursue relatioships that would be Godly and morally correct. To me, though, it was a sign that told me to shut myself away from the world, because the world was evil and decietful. I shut myself from others because i thought they would hurt my cause... Pre, it was one of the most ignorant mistakes i ever made...

Then i watched Equillibrium...

Shit pre, if i ever lived in a world like that, i would freak out. Walang emotions? di ko ata kaya yon. And yet there it lay, with the promise of no more wars, no more injustice, no more pain. All you had to give up was your ability to feel, to be happy, to grief, and to love. Was the promise of security that appealing? I guess not. It was okay to take risks because in reality, we always do play a game of chance. It's called life, and every choice you make eliminates an alternative path in it. Let's face it, we were born gamblers...

And here's my biggest gamble yet...

Giel, I don't know if you'll ever read this, I don't even know what your reaction will be. But I'm doing this because I want to eliminate the path in life that started if i never said this.

I like you, I seriously, absolutely like you.

This isn't another one of my stupid crushes because i can't do that to you. Not to you, a friend I've had for a long time, yet i never really paid attention to. I regret that a lot, I really do. If I could turn back the sands of time, i would fix everything i did wrong back then. But I can't turn back time, no one can. But i CAN live in the present, I CAN change what is happening now. And I CAN be different. I CAN be more mature. I could probably change a whole lot of other things if i wanted to. And i would. All my life I've been waiting for someone. I'm still not sure if it's you, or another girl, or someone 20 years from now. But what I DO know is that if i pass you up, if I don't take that risk, if I don't gamble everything I've got, I'll see myself 20 years from now pondering "What if I did try?..."

What if.........

Focus.....

2005-03-30T22:45:00.000-08:00

Ang hirap mag sulat sa blog, nakakatamad. parang pointless.

Here i go.......
Beating myself up again........
Thinking no one cares, that no one understands.....
But the only one who doesn't understand is me....

Ang hirap ng ganito, pag wala ka talgang magawa. Nagiging outlet tuloy ng galit ko yung blog. For all my frustrations, all my pain, ang blog ang inilalabasan. Pero bakit dito lang? Bakit di na lang ako gumalaw? Kasi siguro, ang pinaka nakakainis na sagot...........nahihiya ako. Pano na kaya pag malaki ako? Puro na lang "ayoko, nahihiya ako eh...". Sinisira ko ang sarili ko. nagsasayang ako ng oras ng kakasulat because i'm too damn lazy to do anything about it. Nakaka inis na tuloy.
Dati naman di ako ganito eh, maayos naman ako makipaginteract, makipag socialise if you will. Pero buong first first year ko dun(if you didn't know, nag repeat ako), all i ever wished was to be invisible to my class yet liked at the same time. why? KASI MGA GAGO NAGING KAKLASE KO NOON, puro mga stuck-up rich kids na may set mentality na "if your not rich, if you don't live in outrageously big houses, if you don't own designer clothes, if you still use a 3310(6600 na ako ngayon) if you don't live in posh subdivisions, if you didn't come from the AGS, if your not blah blah blah, in short, if your not like us, then who are you to be in this class? Di naman sila lahat ganun but you get my point. Sobrang ibang iba sa T.U. where PEOPLE WERE NICE AND DECENT. "Protestante ka lang....." PUTANGINA, PATI BA NAMAN RELIHIYON KO PAPAKILAMAN NILA!!!!! Aba, parang sarap sabihin na kung "sino ba sila para sabihin yon. galing mo ring katoliko ano?" Nasayang tuloy yung 60T ko non, not to mention baon and transpo. I was smart naman, in fact ako pa nga yung pinaka mataas sa entrance exam namin sa class. But it was all wasted. This was AHS2005, the "problem" batch sabi ng mga teachers. Mamatay sana silang lahat...(up to date, there was only one person i hated more and a lot of people, especially my parents who know who and why i'll dwell on that sometime else)

Ma knows best

2005-03-17T03:17:00.000-08:00

"Mommy knows best......".
That's what my mom always teaches me, and frankly, naniniwala ako.....

Bihira kami magaway ng nanay ko, but when we do, she almost always wins(kung hindi, draw).
Katulad kanina, nagaway kami kasi i needed to research a lot of stuff for judo(more on that some other day), pero di ako pinayagan kasi maraming kailangang gawin. In short, uminit ulo ko pumunta na lang ako sa kwarto ko, still convinced na tama ako. After all, what i'm doing is for my scholarship. After some time, i decide to watch tv. 30 minutes later, biglang dumating ang nanay ko. She said, "Kung ayaw mong tumulong...lumayas ka na lang. Pag naabutan kita na ganyan pa rin pag balik mo, hihilahin kita palabas." Natural na sa akin na pag masabihan ng ganon, tatahimik na lang at susunod kay Ma. She made me work with her on some bedsheets na dapat i-deliver on friday. One could see in her eyes na seryoso siya sa ginagawa niya, na she wouldn't hesitate to throw me out kung hindi ako magaayos ng ugali. And in that period of time she made me realize that it was perfectly okay to work on something para sa ikabubuti ko, pero kailangang hindi mawala ang isip ko sa kasalukuyan. The future can always wait, but the present is ever coming and going. Once it's gone, it's gone. If i did want to work on that scholarship, i had to fix myself in the present for the responsibilities that will bring in the future... Mama always did know best.......

2005-03-14T23:27:00.000-08:00

At last! na ayos ko na rin kahit konti ang blog ko! These are my prom pics.

Napaka bittersweet ng prom.......

2005-03-14T21:56:00.000-08:00

Biruin mo nga naman, ang panget ng simula ng prom ko. First, yung original pants ko na planong gamitin, hindi terno sa long sleeves na binili ko. Second, kung hindi obvius nung march 5, umulan! And because of that, pagdating namin sa ateneo, sira ang ibang table, including ours! A few moments later, sinabi sa amin na yung table lang namin ang sira talaga!!!! Nung nagpakuha kami ng pic, sabi na 15 minutes lang ok na yung souveneir card pics. 15 turned to 30, 30 turned to, 1 hour, 1 hour turned to the end of the prom, and that turned to" isasama na lang sa package". Tapos, i found out yesterday na may nagnakaw ng mga prom pics! Then muntikan pang masunog pantalon ko. Di pa kami nakapag-slowdance. Nakaka inis......
Pero, kahit nga nangyari yung mga yon, di pa rin mawala sa isipan ko si (name witheld upon request-my request actually). I was so caught up with trying to impress her sa prom namin na lalo pa akong nagmukang tanga. Pero siguro nga, i just wanted to cover up lahat ng kamalasan sa prom namin na lalo ko pang na palala.
Still, after everything, everytime na mapatingin ako sa kanya, i think, "Don't worry, George. The prom isn't about the glitz and the glamour, it's about having a good time. She's trying her best to help you achieve that. Stop trying to be a show off and do what you're supposed to do-be a gentleman." Then and there, napansin ko ang beauty niya which not only shone from the outside, but it also radiated from the inside as well. Thanks Giel........

Help!!!!!!

2005-03-07T00:37:00.000-08:00

tulong sa blog ko!!!!!!!!!

the birth of the blog

2005-03-02T23:50:00.000-08:00

astig!!!! may blog na rin ako at last!