Bring me back to earth... or at least drag me back

damn... i gotta start thinking straight. don't know why i let things end up like this. i wasn't like this before... no more excuses... i hurt the one person who i thought i had given enough love... but then again, i didn't... i thought i did... but i knew it too that i wasn't always there, not like she was... she always found ways to give more... but being the self centered bastard that i was (or still am, i'm afraid), i have yet to make significant sacrifices of my own... i hate myself right now... she doesn't deserve to be treated like this, and especially not from me... back again to the days of self-hating, self-bashing, and self degration... too bad i'm an eternal optimist... can't stand hurting myself too much... always looking for a way out... no more of this... i said i'd change but where do i start?... i keep asking and asking and asking... but i don't do anything... i keep on blabbing and blabbing and blabbing... but i don't really say anything... i keep on promising and promising and promising... but damn, they keep getting shattered...

im so damn tired of being me...

screw me... i wanna change... but how can i be sure it isn't my mouth talking? so damn tired of me lying... so damn tired of doing it to her... no more...

words are so overrated...