Focus.....

Ang hirap mag sulat sa blog, nakakatamad. parang pointless.



Here i go.......
Beating myself up again........
Thinking no one cares, that no one understands.....
But the only one who doesn't understand is me....


Ang hirap ng ganito, pag wala ka talgang magawa. Nagiging outlet tuloy ng galit ko yung blog. For all my frustrations, all my pain, ang blog ang inilalabasan. Pero bakit dito lang? Bakit di na lang ako gumalaw? Kasi siguro, ang pinaka nakakainis na sagot...........nahihiya ako. Pano na kaya pag malaki ako? Puro na lang "ayoko, nahihiya ako eh...". Sinisira ko ang sarili ko. nagsasayang ako ng oras ng kakasulat because i'm too damn lazy to do anything about it. Nakaka inis na tuloy.
Dati naman di ako ganito eh, maayos naman ako makipaginteract, makipag socialise if you will. Pero buong first first year ko dun(if you didn't know, nag repeat ako), all i ever wished was to be invisible to my class yet liked at the same time. why? KASI MGA GAGO NAGING KAKLASE KO NOON, puro mga stuck-up rich kids na may set mentality na "if your not rich, if you don't live in outrageously big houses, if you don't own designer clothes, if you still use a 3310(6600 na ako ngayon) if you don't live in posh subdivisions, if you didn't come from the AGS, if your not blah blah blah, in short, if your not like us, then who are you to be in this class? Di naman sila lahat ganun but you get my point. Sobrang ibang iba sa T.U. where PEOPLE WERE NICE AND DECENT. "Protestante ka lang....." PUTANGINA, PATI BA NAMAN RELIHIYON KO PAPAKILAMAN NILA!!!!! Aba, parang sarap sabihin na kung "sino ba sila para sabihin yon. galing mo ring katoliko ano?" Nasayang tuloy yung 60T ko non, not to mention baon and transpo. I was smart naman, in fact ako pa nga yung pinaka mataas sa entrance exam namin sa class. But it was all wasted. This was AHS2005, the "problem" batch sabi ng mga teachers. Mamatay sana silang lahat...(up to date, there was only one person i hated more and a lot of people, especially my parents who know who and why i'll dwell on that sometime else)

Ma knows best

"Mommy knows best......".
That's what my mom always teaches me, and frankly, naniniwala ako.....

Bihira kami magaway ng nanay ko, but when we do, she almost always wins(kung hindi, draw).
Katulad kanina, nagaway kami kasi i needed to research a lot of stuff for judo(more on that some other day), pero di ako pinayagan kasi maraming kailangang gawin. In short, uminit ulo ko pumunta na lang ako sa kwarto ko, still convinced na tama ako. After all, what i'm doing is for my scholarship. After some time, i decide to watch tv. 30 minutes later, biglang dumating ang nanay ko. She said, "Kung ayaw mong tumulong...lumayas ka na lang. Pag naabutan kita na ganyan pa rin pag balik mo, hihilahin kita palabas." Natural na sa akin na pag masabihan ng ganon, tatahimik na lang at susunod kay Ma. She made me work with her on some bedsheets na dapat i-deliver on friday. One could see in her eyes na seryoso siya sa ginagawa niya, na she wouldn't hesitate to throw me out kung hindi ako magaayos ng ugali. And in that period of time she made me realize that it was perfectly okay to work on something para sa ikabubuti ko, pero kailangang hindi mawala ang isip ko sa kasalukuyan. The future can always wait, but the present is ever coming and going. Once it's gone, it's gone. If i did want to work on that scholarship, i had to fix myself in the present for the responsibilities that will bring in the future... Mama always did know best.......

At last! na ayos ko na rin kahit konti ang blog ko! These are my prom pics.

Napaka bittersweet ng prom.......

Biruin mo nga naman, ang panget ng simula ng prom ko. First, yung original pants ko na planong gamitin, hindi terno sa long sleeves na binili ko. Second, kung hindi obvius nung march 5, umulan! And because of that, pagdating namin sa ateneo, sira ang ibang table, including ours! A few moments later, sinabi sa amin na yung table lang namin ang sira talaga!!!! Nung nagpakuha kami ng pic, sabi na 15 minutes lang ok na yung souveneir card pics. 15 turned to 30, 30 turned to, 1 hour, 1 hour turned to the end of the prom, and that turned to" isasama na lang sa package". Tapos, i found out yesterday na may nagnakaw ng mga prom pics! Then muntikan pang masunog pantalon ko. Di pa kami nakapag-slowdance. Nakaka inis......
Pero, kahit nga nangyari yung mga yon, di pa rin mawala sa isipan ko si (name witheld upon request-my request actually). I was so caught up with trying to impress her sa prom namin na lalo pa akong nagmukang tanga. Pero siguro nga, i just wanted to cover up lahat ng kamalasan sa prom namin na lalo ko pang na palala.
Still, after everything, everytime na mapatingin ako sa kanya, i think, "Don't worry, George. The prom isn't about the glitz and the glamour, it's about having a good time. She's trying her best to help you achieve that. Stop trying to be a show off and do what you're supposed to do-be a gentleman." Then and there, napansin ko ang beauty niya which not only shone from the outside, but it also radiated from the inside as well. Thanks Giel........

Help!!!!!!

tulong sa blog ko!!!!!!!!!

the birth of the blog

astig!!!! may blog na rin ako at last!